Friday, July 6, 2012
On Love, Dreams and Second chances
prep graduation, Bible Baptist Seminary and Institute, March '92
little Katie: My name is Katherine Rabano Demayo, I am 6 years old. My favorite bible verse is John 3:16...For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but will have everlasting life. When I grow up, I like to become a Doctor someday so I can cure sick people.
As some of you may know, my two life long dreams are University of the Philippines and Med school. Learning is my passion, the school is my playground, and my diploma is my treasure. UP Diliman failed since I finished my Bachelor's degree in UST, med school failed as well since Dad had health issues by the time I was seeking for admission in med school. Question is, where am I today...I'll be posting something I wrote in my multiply account a little over 2 years ago..I believe I am still at this stage of my life minus all the emo and drama since I got used to it...read through.
6 feet under
I killed a cockroach earlier today and I know its not something that I have to be proud of..not even close to have it being posted here...but then again I realized something as I watch that tiny thing run for its life, hiding somewhere so it can escape from my wrath..so it can live once more. I knew in a heart beat that I am just like that cockroach..And I know that its so pathetic having myself compared to a pest, but yeah, lately I've been trying to hide in my own world and live basically for nothing. Everyday is a pointless battle with uncertainty of what's going to happen next...WHAT THE HELL DO I REALLY WANT ANYWAY? Why wake up each morning facing a brand new day without a definite path I should run along...a clear goal that I can claim my own. I am but a futile being who has the slightest idea of what she really wanted to be...Wht can't dreams be an inch away from reality? Facing the mirror everyday, what I see is a damn reflection of a worthless individual wanting, dreaming and wishing for big things to happen.
Who am I?
What ground am I standing?
Where have I been all along?
20 years from now I will definitley look back and see this life that I have right now and I am not sure if I can be proud of this...each day I get a picture of me collecting bits and pieces of dreams...some defile me because of these dreams i have, they say its far from reality..and so I don't know if I should still believe in them or if it would be better to just quit believing in them...I'm tired..the fire from the wick in my oil lamp is slowly burning out and I am losing patience and passion in believing...just like that dying cockroach...I am hopless and eventually I have no choice but to start all over again...going back to that darkness where I used to be....
little Katie: My name is Katherine Rabano Demayo, I am 6 years old. My favorite bible verse is John 3:16...For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but will have everlasting life. When I grow up, I like to become a Doctor someday so I can cure sick people.
As some of you may know, my two life long dreams are University of the Philippines and Med school. Learning is my passion, the school is my playground, and my diploma is my treasure. UP Diliman failed since I finished my Bachelor's degree in UST, med school failed as well since Dad had health issues by the time I was seeking for admission in med school. Question is, where am I today...I'll be posting something I wrote in my multiply account a little over 2 years ago..I believe I am still at this stage of my life minus all the emo and drama since I got used to it...read through.
6 feet under
I killed a cockroach earlier today and I know its not something that I have to be proud of..not even close to have it being posted here...but then again I realized something as I watch that tiny thing run for its life, hiding somewhere so it can escape from my wrath..so it can live once more. I knew in a heart beat that I am just like that cockroach..And I know that its so pathetic having myself compared to a pest, but yeah, lately I've been trying to hide in my own world and live basically for nothing. Everyday is a pointless battle with uncertainty of what's going to happen next...WHAT THE HELL DO I REALLY WANT ANYWAY? Why wake up each morning facing a brand new day without a definite path I should run along...a clear goal that I can claim my own. I am but a futile being who has the slightest idea of what she really wanted to be...Wht can't dreams be an inch away from reality? Facing the mirror everyday, what I see is a damn reflection of a worthless individual wanting, dreaming and wishing for big things to happen.
Who am I?
What ground am I standing?
Where have I been all along?
20 years from now I will definitley look back and see this life that I have right now and I am not sure if I can be proud of this...each day I get a picture of me collecting bits and pieces of dreams...some defile me because of these dreams i have, they say its far from reality..and so I don't know if I should still believe in them or if it would be better to just quit believing in them...I'm tired..the fire from the wick in my oil lamp is slowly burning out and I am losing patience and passion in believing...just like that dying cockroach...I am hopless and eventually I have no choice but to start all over again...going back to that darkness where I used to be....
It's ONE of those DAYS....
Im mad at you. yes I am. You kept me expecting, hey I really really like to surf and be with you and when I said I am excited and thrilled to have that ride, I meant it! You kept me hanging stoked..and I hated it. Im mad. because you've set a date for a training, YOU SET THAT DATE..and yet, you didn't come. I thought I'd be seeing you again, in fact I thought I'd see you regularly..but you decided that you wouldn't want to train at that gym anymore...you said you'd move to the gym where I used to train but you're obviously undecided...you don't reply to private messages, hey it's easy to say "I'll pass this time". I guess Im mad because I miss you again...please say something..anything..send a text message, send a message over FB...get a life in FB again at the very least..Just please, don't be silent..you make me happy in a certain way that I can't explain, it's like a pill that I badly needed to take.. that even if I don't see you physically, just a little of your presence in any medium possible and I'm alright....I miss you so bad Sir...but I guess Im ready to let go of this infatuation I have for you that I kept to myself for 2 years...I like you so bad that I don't want the feeling anymore because it makes me feel sad when I don't see you or hear from you or have a little knowledge of you. I guess it's goodbye Sir D.