Ever since my dad found out that I could comprehend on a much higher level, he bagan teaching me the word responsibility..responsibility in all its shape and sizes! "You should be responsible for you grade, so study hard...you should be responsible for your money..so start saving..be responsible for the house so clean it up before we arrive...or be responsible in tieing your own shoe laces..be respopnsible if you get pregnant or if you get sick..." Don't get me wrong, I never thought of responsibility as a bad thing or something that would hurt me and put me to danger. It's just that sometimes responsibilities put me to test...a test of the hardest virtues in life such as patience, perseverance, and faith. I've been struggling for the longest time to master these virtues and practice them carelessly, but most often than not I find myself trying so hard to live it up, it's like a bad ass medicine, in spite of the taste and feel on my tongue, I endure it because I know it will make me better.

I've been so stressed out lately, I can literally feel my uterus and breast receiving much hormonal love which in turn makes me suffer in pain. The PEBC thing is again taking its toll on me. Other than my 9-10 hours of hell I spend at work, I also do some extra reading afterwards. And now that I've decided to go solo with the evaluation on January, I find myself lost in translation with the what to do's, which to purchase, when to submit, how to submit and what have you. I am not a bird brain but I fell like being one with all the hassle I got through day in and out. I am not complaining, it's just that I am tired. But I know I am left without a choice if I really think that what I am doing right now is for a bigger and brighter future ahead of me. Like I always said, I wouldn't want to be like the people who finds professional growth within the four corners of this hell...It's not even a job, it is a graveyard...you work like a horse, you earn money which other people think is too large (news flash: it is not..with the ever changing supply and demands) and you lack time to relax...its like 365 days all you have in mind is work..work that you don't get to enjoy. Seriously, you don't even get all the benefits you deserve even after retiring or resigning! Aside from the fact that it vaccums out all the intellect left in your brain, THIS job doesn't give out personal satisfaction at all, you know...the one when you go home smiling and feeling fulfilled even when your beat up tired or when you go home knowing that you've learned something new and challenging by day end...all these inspire us to go wake up the next day feeling all excited and tuned up to go back to work..this feeling could even go by everyday! But what the heck, does someone really care at all?

What ever I'm going through right now, I know that there'll be something good coming out of this. I just have to be more optimistic and organized most of the time, and keep the three virtues locked in my heart so I would'nt have a hard time looking for it. Maybe I should practice it all the time..Nice Idea.