What is this that Im feeling right now?

Is it envy? anger? remorse? frustration?

whatever it is...its not good..i have to go home and bury my face in my pillow and sob..sob..sob..

Seriously!

They say that raising up your parents is one damn hard thing to do..oh I can't agree more! They are the most persistent, hard headed, and downright annoying population in the whole wide world.They want what they want and when they don't want what you want..they wanted to get in to your way..even pull your strings just so you would want what they wanted in the first place. It's always the best thing they say..but at 24 would you still have no idea what's best for you? At 18, young people in the U.S. leave their homes to live on their own, they look for jobs to suffice their needs, by the time they reach 24, they then move to a bigger space, maybe even own their own house and get a better car. What I am trying to say is that by now, I should have been more successful and content! Looking back on what I had gone through, I know that there's no one to blame but me..but I had my reasons for doing so, and it all boils down to having utterly arrogant parents. I never had a time when I felt comfortable in telling them what I want because I am afraid of rejections. But as I grew older, I thought, hey, I can actually talk to them and they actually reached out..hmmm its not that bad at all! But I thought wrong...right now, I just wanna hide myself from them..my every plans and goals and dreams..I just wanted to exclude them form everything, because obviously they wanted a life build up for them only..they wanted us to be together because its more comfortable for them with us beside them, they wanted us to go where they are because they can't accept the fact that we're grown up individuals who can make a life of our own..I cant handle it any longer...Being with them will make things worste..and its not something that I wanted them to feel because in one way or another, they are my parents..and whatever happens..I love them.

Life is a cookie..

When all is crumbling down..falling apart..breaking into pieces...what shall I do?I scream inside where no one can hear but me...I wallow in pain whilst hiding in the dark alley of my own world making sure no one can see me but me and that no one would offer me their pity..I don't need it..Im sick of it! Also because I dont want to drag someone's ass with me in hell..its harder now to go back to those days when I can still dream bigger, higher and brighter for I have no one I could call for S.O.S..Im on my own and I must find my way to the HIGH way, and honestly, I have no idea how to get there. There are a lot of things I have in mind: standards, considerations, people, money, distance, space, love, life, all the small but significant shits, they come tumbling down the hill and I try to go catch them one by one making sure I get a hold of each..only if I can.. And, when love has been the security blanket that wraps me in times of despair..with a heavy heart and an unspoken truth..where should love belong then? With him having his own burden, can I remain strong for him? can I be his strong pillars even when I carry my own pain? after this, will all remain the same? can you and I go back to our normal happpy lives and pretend that nothing like these ever happened? can we still dream together and try to reach that dream together? We are getting older thus we are but useless and meaningless individuals finding our niches in this cruel world. Yes that is the word..CRUEL...this freaking world is FREAKING CRUEL! for now, my days are numbered and my nights are getting shorter yet I dunno where to go...Im lost..till when? I dunno..but I dont like this feeling..wish it would just end