Life is a cookie..

When all is crumbling down..falling apart..breaking into pieces...what shall I do?I scream inside where no one can hear but me...I wallow in pain whilst hiding in the dark alley of my own world making sure no one can see me but me and that no one would offer me their pity..I don't need it..Im sick of it! Also because I dont want to drag someone's ass with me in hell..its harder now to go back to those days when I can still dream bigger, higher and brighter for I have no one I could call for S.O.S..Im on my own and I must find my way to the HIGH way, and honestly, I have no idea how to get there. There are a lot of things I have in mind: standards, considerations, people, money, distance, space, love, life, all the small but significant shits, they come tumbling down the hill and I try to go catch them one by one making sure I get a hold of each..only if I can.. And, when love has been the security blanket that wraps me in times of despair..with a heavy heart and an unspoken truth..where should love belong then? With him having his own burden, can I remain strong for him? can I be his strong pillars even when I carry my own pain? after this, will all remain the same? can you and I go back to our normal happpy lives and pretend that nothing like these ever happened? can we still dream together and try to reach that dream together? We are getting older thus we are but useless and meaningless individuals finding our niches in this cruel world. Yes that is the word..CRUEL...this freaking world is FREAKING CRUEL! for now, my days are numbered and my nights are getting shorter yet I dunno where to go...Im lost..till when? I dunno..but I dont like this feeling..wish it would just end