Revelation

Ok. So now what? what am I to reveal? I've gone AWOL from my own blog for a very long time and now I'm coming back with a revelation that no one cares about, no one reads this blog anyway so I don't care, he won't read it anyway.haha Oh well...just so you know, Im in a relationship for 10 years...although I love the guy, yes I LOVE HIM with all my heart and I will marry him..I won't have a cold feet if that's where you're about to head next..but there are still things that I am looking for. C'mmon, being with the same person for 10 years is like eating the same meal every single day, I ain't complaining though..it's just that over a year ago, this guy I met in my muay thai gym simply swept me off my feet..literally during study sparring and figuratively. :) What can I say, I like the guy! He's just this mix of coolness and dorkiness..he's adorkable in everyway..smart, clean (really? clean..what the hell! of all the adjectives..haha) fun, daring, absolutely cute, nerdy..bad ass nerd! I can't just ignore the fact that I've been stalking him for a year now...I suck I know..and it sucks not having him know this. I haven't seen him since March or April I think..no, July! I kinda bumped into him during one of my running sessions and we have exchanged a few private chat messages like around October I think, but it's not one of those kinky, love sick, sneaking-behind-my-bfs-back messages..just the normal ones like friends use to do. BUT I FREAKING LIKE HIM! A part of me wishes that he could read this so he would know how I feel about him so I could finally be free of this feeling, because I don't like this anymore..my philosophy is that when someone knows how I feel about them I get automatically turned off..like auto pilot OFF. I suck huh? but this ain't right anymore..I just hate activating my fb just so I could peek into his FB...I hate it when I don't see an update from him, when I get out of the loop into what's new about him. There was a time when he de activated his FB for quite some time and it pissed me off because it's the only thing that connects me with him. Ugh I feel pathetic right now...but sometimes, having this secret kept within me makes me feel good..that feeling when you go 10 years back in time..it's like high school, but felt right. Damn if he goes up to me and says he likes me, which obviously he won't, who the fuck cares...I will not waste a moment!haha I might..who knows. So there's my revelation...God, I miss him.