Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Missing Out on Something? Not anymore!
I missed my friends in training..especially after today that I get to be with some of them and share the same pain during training. It makes me feel bad for not texting some of them or inviting some of them to train with me, guess Im just guarding my emotions. I hate being rejected..all the more, I hate being ignored. Once is enough, twice is too much. My attitude is that I don't want to drag people into something they are not really willing to do..give me excuses then fine, you will never hear anything from me. I just realized that I'm all alone in this which was depressing at first but as days pass by, I realized that I can no longer depend on people for that little piece of happiness and that I have to endure this pain of being alone. Anyway, It's just gonna be me inside the ring..no friends, no family, no pets (of course no pets!)..no one. My coach will be along the sidelines instructing me what to do. But sometimes, it feels good having a few people you can lean on for support. The day that I needed them the most was the day they weren't there and I guess, I just have to accept that they will never be there even in my big day. So yeah, screw it..I'm training alone unless someone volunteers his/her ass to train with me, until then, I'll find peace in my solitude.
Friday, July 6, 2012
On Love, Dreams and Second chances
prep graduation, Bible Baptist Seminary and Institute, March '92
little Katie: My name is Katherine Rabano Demayo, I am 6 years old. My favorite bible verse is John 3:16...For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but will have everlasting life. When I grow up, I like to become a Doctor someday so I can cure sick people.
As some of you may know, my two life long dreams are University of the Philippines and Med school. Learning is my passion, the school is my playground, and my diploma is my treasure. UP Diliman failed since I finished my Bachelor's degree in UST, med school failed as well since Dad had health issues by the time I was seeking for admission in med school. Question is, where am I today...I'll be posting something I wrote in my multiply account a little over 2 years ago..I believe I am still at this stage of my life minus all the emo and drama since I got used to it...read through.
6 feet under
I killed a cockroach earlier today and I know its not something that I have to be proud of..not even close to have it being posted here...but then again I realized something as I watch that tiny thing run for its life, hiding somewhere so it can escape from my wrath..so it can live once more. I knew in a heart beat that I am just like that cockroach..And I know that its so pathetic having myself compared to a pest, but yeah, lately I've been trying to hide in my own world and live basically for nothing. Everyday is a pointless battle with uncertainty of what's going to happen next...WHAT THE HELL DO I REALLY WANT ANYWAY? Why wake up each morning facing a brand new day without a definite path I should run along...a clear goal that I can claim my own. I am but a futile being who has the slightest idea of what she really wanted to be...Wht can't dreams be an inch away from reality? Facing the mirror everyday, what I see is a damn reflection of a worthless individual wanting, dreaming and wishing for big things to happen.
Who am I?
What ground am I standing?
Where have I been all along?
20 years from now I will definitley look back and see this life that I have right now and I am not sure if I can be proud of this...each day I get a picture of me collecting bits and pieces of dreams...some defile me because of these dreams i have, they say its far from reality..and so I don't know if I should still believe in them or if it would be better to just quit believing in them...I'm tired..the fire from the wick in my oil lamp is slowly burning out and I am losing patience and passion in believing...just like that dying cockroach...I am hopless and eventually I have no choice but to start all over again...going back to that darkness where I used to be....
little Katie: My name is Katherine Rabano Demayo, I am 6 years old. My favorite bible verse is John 3:16...For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but will have everlasting life. When I grow up, I like to become a Doctor someday so I can cure sick people.
As some of you may know, my two life long dreams are University of the Philippines and Med school. Learning is my passion, the school is my playground, and my diploma is my treasure. UP Diliman failed since I finished my Bachelor's degree in UST, med school failed as well since Dad had health issues by the time I was seeking for admission in med school. Question is, where am I today...I'll be posting something I wrote in my multiply account a little over 2 years ago..I believe I am still at this stage of my life minus all the emo and drama since I got used to it...read through.
6 feet under
I killed a cockroach earlier today and I know its not something that I have to be proud of..not even close to have it being posted here...but then again I realized something as I watch that tiny thing run for its life, hiding somewhere so it can escape from my wrath..so it can live once more. I knew in a heart beat that I am just like that cockroach..And I know that its so pathetic having myself compared to a pest, but yeah, lately I've been trying to hide in my own world and live basically for nothing. Everyday is a pointless battle with uncertainty of what's going to happen next...WHAT THE HELL DO I REALLY WANT ANYWAY? Why wake up each morning facing a brand new day without a definite path I should run along...a clear goal that I can claim my own. I am but a futile being who has the slightest idea of what she really wanted to be...Wht can't dreams be an inch away from reality? Facing the mirror everyday, what I see is a damn reflection of a worthless individual wanting, dreaming and wishing for big things to happen.
Who am I?
What ground am I standing?
Where have I been all along?
20 years from now I will definitley look back and see this life that I have right now and I am not sure if I can be proud of this...each day I get a picture of me collecting bits and pieces of dreams...some defile me because of these dreams i have, they say its far from reality..and so I don't know if I should still believe in them or if it would be better to just quit believing in them...I'm tired..the fire from the wick in my oil lamp is slowly burning out and I am losing patience and passion in believing...just like that dying cockroach...I am hopless and eventually I have no choice but to start all over again...going back to that darkness where I used to be....
It's ONE of those DAYS....
Im mad at you. yes I am. You kept me expecting, hey I really really like to surf and be with you and when I said I am excited and thrilled to have that ride, I meant it! You kept me hanging stoked..and I hated it. Im mad. because you've set a date for a training, YOU SET THAT DATE..and yet, you didn't come. I thought I'd be seeing you again, in fact I thought I'd see you regularly..but you decided that you wouldn't want to train at that gym anymore...you said you'd move to the gym where I used to train but you're obviously undecided...you don't reply to private messages, hey it's easy to say "I'll pass this time". I guess Im mad because I miss you again...please say something..anything..send a text message, send a message over FB...get a life in FB again at the very least..Just please, don't be silent..you make me happy in a certain way that I can't explain, it's like a pill that I badly needed to take.. that even if I don't see you physically, just a little of your presence in any medium possible and I'm alright....I miss you so bad Sir...but I guess Im ready to let go of this infatuation I have for you that I kept to myself for 2 years...I like you so bad that I don't want the feeling anymore because it makes me feel sad when I don't see you or hear from you or have a little knowledge of you. I guess it's goodbye Sir D.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Faith goals
Preparing for a 7 day fast by monday next week...something I call "Will re-alignment"..
1.) Completely give up the devil inside me and have me and Vincent submit to a spiritual deliverance after the fast
2.) Continuously hunger and desire for His Word
3.) Build a relationship with the Lord
4.) Give up my so-called priorities so I could serve in His ministry
5.) Have Vincent serve in the ministry with me
6.) Attend Sunday school with Vincent
7.) Balance my work out sched/social life and spiritual life
8.) Forgive and understand mommy
9.) Mommy's healing and complete submission for a spiritual deliverance, Daddy's health and continuous change.
10.) Work out our family's differences so we could have a peaceful and harmonious relationship with one another
11.) Learn to obey and honor my parents
12.) A new job in line with my profession and to a new pharmacist to replace me in the drugstore ASAP
13.) A savings account
14.) A healthier and fitter year
15.) Canada plans (have my parents support me, get my papers ready, have a smooth sailing visa application, get the visa approved, fly to canada)
16.) A job and comfortable life for Vincent
17.) Spiritual growth for me and Vincent
18.) Have Vincent take and pass the board exams within this year
19.) Have Vincent propose to me
20.) Get married before leaving for Canada
***I hope to do this fast every month moving forward...According to Matthew 4:2, Jesus fasted to forty days and forty nights, why can't I? The Spirit is stronger when the body is weak. When you are about to ask anything and you want to hear and feel His presence, strip yourself of earthly desires..of earthly needs and have Him fill in your spirit and soul with nothing but His Words.
1.) Completely give up the devil inside me and have me and Vincent submit to a spiritual deliverance after the fast
2.) Continuously hunger and desire for His Word
3.) Build a relationship with the Lord
4.) Give up my so-called priorities so I could serve in His ministry
5.) Have Vincent serve in the ministry with me
6.) Attend Sunday school with Vincent
7.) Balance my work out sched/social life and spiritual life
8.) Forgive and understand mommy
9.) Mommy's healing and complete submission for a spiritual deliverance, Daddy's health and continuous change.
10.) Work out our family's differences so we could have a peaceful and harmonious relationship with one another
11.) Learn to obey and honor my parents
12.) A new job in line with my profession and to a new pharmacist to replace me in the drugstore ASAP
13.) A savings account
14.) A healthier and fitter year
15.) Canada plans (have my parents support me, get my papers ready, have a smooth sailing visa application, get the visa approved, fly to canada)
16.) A job and comfortable life for Vincent
17.) Spiritual growth for me and Vincent
18.) Have Vincent take and pass the board exams within this year
19.) Have Vincent propose to me
20.) Get married before leaving for Canada
***I hope to do this fast every month moving forward...According to Matthew 4:2, Jesus fasted to forty days and forty nights, why can't I? The Spirit is stronger when the body is weak. When you are about to ask anything and you want to hear and feel His presence, strip yourself of earthly desires..of earthly needs and have Him fill in your spirit and soul with nothing but His Words.
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