I would like to believe that I have something bigger and greater to offer this world..that I am some hero of the future who will repeatedly save the world from destruction...That I am invincible and that no pins and needles can prick me..sadly, I am not. I still am bowing and kneeling to a greater Father before me who has arranged my life in the palm of His mighty hands.

This month has been really crazy for me...at one point I had money, then after a few hours I lost every penny..by far I am in big debt right now.

Almost

Well hello there...

Braindrain

Dear Blog,

I miss you so bad...I haven't had an entry for September because I was too busy frying my brain for that big exam ahead. I wish you knew how stressed I am lately..I miss snoozing 8 hours straight..I miss doing movie marathons...I miss lying around thinking nothing...I miss slacking...Oh blog, this stress is taking me in whole, it is eating and digesting every bits and peices of sanity left in me. But I know that I gotta do what I gotta do just to get my lazy ass out of this place... Funny though how human beings worry too much about the future..sometimes I wish Im just like my dog, hell they don't even worry what to eat because i hand them over thier food myself in silver platter! Anyway, all Im saying is that..I miss you blog, see..even these emotions have been bottled up because of lack of time...God...I just want to have a ME time again...ME and my blog, my camera, my laptop...but when? when's that gonna be?

xoxo
katie

Checklist

MONDAY:

I will get some rest so I could be well prepared for the whole week. And remind TC to pay for the 1500 php.

TUESDAY:

I need to be at home so I could meet up the courier guy who will be picking up my passport requirements.

WEDNESDAY:

Withdraw my money from the bank and go update the freaking driver's license...apparently all my government issued Identification cards were way overdue.

THURSDAY:

Go to the bank to open an account for the bank draft

FRIDAY:

Go to UST and PRC to procure all the documents that I have to send to to PEBC Canada.

SATURDAY:

Pick up all the important reviewers

SUNDAY:

It is my right to rest!

MONDAY:

Personal Appearance to DFA

***Just the thought of all these things that I got to do makes me sick...bleh!

Ever since my dad found out that I could comprehend on a much higher level, he bagan teaching me the word responsibility..responsibility in all its shape and sizes! "You should be responsible for you grade, so study hard...you should be responsible for your money..so start saving..be responsible for the house so clean it up before we arrive...or be responsible in tieing your own shoe laces..be respopnsible if you get pregnant or if you get sick..." Don't get me wrong, I never thought of responsibility as a bad thing or something that would hurt me and put me to danger. It's just that sometimes responsibilities put me to test...a test of the hardest virtues in life such as patience, perseverance, and faith. I've been struggling for the longest time to master these virtues and practice them carelessly, but most often than not I find myself trying so hard to live it up, it's like a bad ass medicine, in spite of the taste and feel on my tongue, I endure it because I know it will make me better.

I've been so stressed out lately, I can literally feel my uterus and breast receiving much hormonal love which in turn makes me suffer in pain. The PEBC thing is again taking its toll on me. Other than my 9-10 hours of hell I spend at work, I also do some extra reading afterwards. And now that I've decided to go solo with the evaluation on January, I find myself lost in translation with the what to do's, which to purchase, when to submit, how to submit and what have you. I am not a bird brain but I fell like being one with all the hassle I got through day in and out. I am not complaining, it's just that I am tired. But I know I am left without a choice if I really think that what I am doing right now is for a bigger and brighter future ahead of me. Like I always said, I wouldn't want to be like the people who finds professional growth within the four corners of this hell...It's not even a job, it is a graveyard...you work like a horse, you earn money which other people think is too large (news flash: it is not..with the ever changing supply and demands) and you lack time to relax...its like 365 days all you have in mind is work..work that you don't get to enjoy. Seriously, you don't even get all the benefits you deserve even after retiring or resigning! Aside from the fact that it vaccums out all the intellect left in your brain, THIS job doesn't give out personal satisfaction at all, you know...the one when you go home smiling and feeling fulfilled even when your beat up tired or when you go home knowing that you've learned something new and challenging by day end...all these inspire us to go wake up the next day feeling all excited and tuned up to go back to work..this feeling could even go by everyday! But what the heck, does someone really care at all?

What ever I'm going through right now, I know that there'll be something good coming out of this. I just have to be more optimistic and organized most of the time, and keep the three virtues locked in my heart so I would'nt have a hard time looking for it. Maybe I should practice it all the time..Nice Idea.

FUCK YOU

APPARENTLY THERE'S A WORD CALLED CONTENTMENT THAT CAN EASILY BE FOUND AMONG THE PAGES OF A CHEAP DICTIONARY...YOU CAN ALSO GOOGLE IT UP..EASY AS 1,2,3..I just wanna fucking go home...

SHUFFLE ON!

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!4. Tag 10 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from
IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?Drinking for 11- Mad Caddies
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?7 years- saosin
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?Letters to you-finch
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?warrior-matisyahu
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?Got the life- Korn (yeah!!!)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?Ms. Vandersanden- Split Habit
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?Im real- The starting line
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?The System- Funeral For a Friend
WHAT IS 2+2?Signal Fire-Snow Patrol
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?So sexy chapter 2( LIke this)- Twista ft. R Kelly
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?Movies- Alien Ant Farm
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?I'll Be Back on The Sun- Flee the Seen
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?You're Beautiful- James Blunt
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?Everything She Does is Magic- Sting and the Police
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?Adidas- Korn
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?Yugto- Rico Blanco
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?Like a Thousand Suns- Heaven Shall Burn
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?Conflict- Disturb ( di naman!)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?snesual seduction- snoop dogg
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?A world So Cold- Mudvayne
HOW WILL YOU DIE?Tiger Lily- Matchbook Romance
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?dISMANTLE me- The Distillers
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?Through the Fire and Flames- Dragonforce
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?Stir it Up- Bob Marley
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?Beverly Hills- Weezer
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?Calling Dr Love- Kiss
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?Soft Return- Imago
IF YOU COULD WHAT MAKES YOU LGO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?Im just a Kid- Simple Plan
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?Lakambini Bottom- Datu's Tribe
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?Tell myself Goodbye- Dead Poetic

I almost got late for work, that bed caught me off guard again and I haven't noticed that Im dreaming away on 9th cloud. Why do we have to go forth in life when everything is so inviting for us to just stay still and relax? The weather outside is very conducive to hibernate all day and the pillow is as soft as the cotton candy that is simply irresistable, yet I still need to drag my ass under that cold shower which actually gives me goosebumps from head to toe as the water drips down my hair to my skin. Eating dinner is another thing.It is tempting..but I opted not to because it'll consume 5-10 min of my so little time left and I cannot afford that loss, I would also be forced to brush my teeth which I have no plans to do so. I had 8 beautiful hours of sleep but it doesn't make any difference. I still feel restless as always. Adrenaline rush consumed all the energy I have stored over time, I think I have less left to go through the day.So I therefore conclude that this day will surely suck, I just know.

How can one be a complete asshole during times of grief and pain, at this very moment when the entire country is mourning for the loss of one of the legendary heroes of our time. And how do you justify to millions and millions of spectators not only here but also abroad that unabashed display of disregard on national TV? That you wanted your show to be cut off to pave way for the live streaming video of her wake when what you have clearly said means absolutely otherwise? Oh yeah..you are a personified star...you own your own yacht right? and you can mislead women by the money that you shove to their asses? How many kids have you had now? perhaps countless...why do I care! I dont even bother watching your nonsense TV show...don't get me wrong, I like the concept but not the host...All you do is either abash or harass the people you work with as if you own them, are you the one signing off their paycheque? And do you genuinely care about the people around you? I was 1 month old then when the people power emerged...I knew nothing about it, I just heard how courageously Madam Coazon Aquino led our nation to fight for its freedom..I learned as well that she re-structured our dying country, she picked us up from the thrash that were thrown into...she nursed our wounds when she herself was wounded by the loss of her betterhalf...YOU should have known that better! You were what...20..21ish by then? Shame on you...watch what you have said..http://www.youtube.com/w
atch?v=JNTy6sM42iw and maybe then you will realize the pain you have caused to the people who loved her even if they haven't known her personally...people like me and all those thousands of Filipinos who mourned with the Aquinos...Watch what you're saying....

on a much lighter note....I LOVE TRAVIS BARKER...he rocks!

Life is short..so short that you wouldn't even notice that you wither by the day, or that you are terribly sick that tomorrow the whole world will be watching for your wake on national TV...reality is hard and cold and it'll hit you like a baseball bat right smack your head. So live, laugh and love every second of your most precious time, because you can never bring back what you've lost...live it with unuttered dignity coz you'll be surprised with how many lives you've touched..and on the day of your wake, they will all remember you.

May God rest your soul late president Corazon Aquino...I maybe 2 months old when you called every Filipinos to get out of their comfort zone and start fighting for that democracy that has been and will always be rightfully ours..I maybe an eagle behind bars right now if none of that took place..if not for you. I may not watch any of your tributes on national TV but I remember you with my heart... Thank you Ma'am and enjoy a never ending life with our Lord and Saviour...

Today is Monday, another 9 hours of immersion back in hell...start of a new PM and people are so fucking irritating...didn't get that leave for Friday approved...said it was too late to have it filed..I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAVE TO FILE IT 2 TUESDAYS BEFORE THAT FRIDAY...WHAT KIND OF POLICY IS THAT? but anyway...I must get it on Monday next week...Weekend...oh weekend..I missed my weekend...My idea of a great weekend is staying at home, watching chuck or supernatural..or going to the gym...running...reading a good book...listening to good music...apparently my weekend is a thrash...went out with my buddies..drank beer...went clubbing right after...went home at 4am....nothing cool with that...I swear I can still hear doogsh-dagsh-dogsh-dagsh music, i mean NOISE... banging in my head the day after, absolutely uncool! How can people stand that kind of place? Some say that one of the so many ways for you to release stress is by going out to clubs, dancing to the beat of trans whatever you call it music if you ever call it music, and meeting random people....I think I'll just stick with the other so many ways of relieving stress than clubbing...I wasted 100php of my precious money to think that my next pay cheque will be available by Thursday morning...I tried to look at things on a much brighter perspective but I sure don't see any..o shit... I swear I will never give out my weekend! Ok, an hour and a half has gone by and I didn't have any completes yet, not a single interview...Fuck this day...I bet its gonna continue till day ends...Good luck poor Katie

Work is like shattered glasses that you walk through and burrow into your skin...its like the cold water you endure everyday as you go to the shower...that hot coffee that burns your tounge with every sip...the unbearable wait for that stupid ride to hell.....

Work..is the fiery place called hell that cradles your every monetary needs... your boss demands like lucifer..her alliances are hitler, saddam hussein, marilyn manson and ghandi...the guards are like small elves with a tail and a fork that sends you to the grill every single fucking day...the time and space that never ends...

Work is the group of wonderful people that you get to share your commonality with...the teeny weeny gossip ears that makes you all sane...

Leave it or Love it...That is the beauty of work

You are what you believe in....

If you think you are weak then you are...

If you think less of yourself than anybody else, then you are...

If you think you can't make things happen, then it won't...

So whatever happens to you, whatever deep shit you are going through, you are the one responsible for it. My good friend once told me before that the drama of life is accurate..indeed, it is...So Dream high and hard...and BELIEVE that these dreams can come true..because apparently, they do.

I therefore conclude that it is indeed that mighty sleep pill that made me feel sluggish yesterday...Don't judge me yet, hear me first ok?ok! There really are some days that you just need that, especially when you are literally staring into space for almost three and a half hours and can't fall asleep, how do you feel about that?What would you do if you were in my shoes...yeah, you'll probably count sheeps in your head...stupid asshole! Now that pill is the bomb...bad thing about it is that it takes a couple of hours to wear off. Don't get me wrong, It's nothing like the potent ones that those druggie use to take in, say...valium..it is that tiny-weeny-white oval shaped anti allergy pill that I had three months back. Even how powerful that pill seems to be, I will stay away from it moving forward! oh yes I will!

I am the most pathetic slacker I have ever known...I start things, but don't continue them...take for example: 2 months ago I was enthusiastic at visitting the gym, I alternate running and lifting, not only that, I also watch my diet..but after getting really sick, I just happen to stop going to th gym! oh no..rewind..before that, things are real bitchy... I joined this volleyball team in our office..there's where my procrastination all started! Since I lack sleep, energy and time to stick to my routine..then I got off track. Believe me I was even trying to go back to dragonboat but again, i got demotivated because of those fucking volleyball games that I wasn't even given the chance to play..On top of that, boyfriend stayed at my place, actually he is literally living there already..and instead of having time for myself, I'd spend that time with him..I know, you'd probably say drag him along with me???but no! he'd rather stay at home with some movies to watch and we'll munch on whatever we can...he never wants me to be his gym buddy! I even asked him before to play badminton with me but like an asshole that he usually is, of course he declined...I know that I don't have to rely on people to succeed on my agenda..but I can't help it! I care so much that I just wanted them to be happy instead of me...My life is like a food chain...one must suffer in order for others to survive..It's like parasitism...I suffer, they survive...sometimes its commensalism..They survive..I don't get affected..rarely mutualism...both survives. point is, Im tired of this..but I can't just leave everything behind...

There are things on earth that I just can't stand yet I choose to keep it to myself. I fear more of hurting others feelings/ego than mine. I try hard to find the right words to express what I feel but the harder I try the more I fail, I still end up hurting the people that are dearest to me. Somebody once told me to keep things real, but should that always be the case? What if I end up having no friends because of this...It sucks..totally.

What do you do when you can't sleep? Do you count those freaky little sheeps jumping in your head???Does that really work?! I was watching cable channel last weekend when I saw what that stupid schmutt Mr. Bean was doing...I think he can't sleep and so he was counting those sheeps printed on a poster...I don't know if it did work for him but Im betting my whole salary that it didn't! Whether you count the sheeps in your head, over your headboard, on the wall, or even across your sheets..none of them would really work out! That guy who hypothesized that theory should go to hell for making a shit hole out of us...seriously.

Firstsssssss

Everything has its first time..first crush,first love,first dance,first kiss,first sex, first break up....and every firsts has its special spot somewhere in the heart that even as time passes by it never tarnish nor fade maybe because of the magic that you have had on that particular moment and so at any given point in time you can't help but reminisce on these things. Well, this post is no biggie...I just want to point out that this is my first here at blogspot..yey! And what do I feel now???ummmm...ahhhh...none.Nothing really special....just a jump start to a life full of blogging. hehe Nonetheless, I welcome myself here! welcome katie...=) Till next post..