Tuesday, February 22, 2011
...and it ends here
I am a woman of passion...if I happen to decide on doing something, I make sure to put all my time and heart in it. But, once I see a single flaw, I tend to get disheartened then I start noticing all the negative stuff and then quietly I disappear into thin air. Since I'm engaged to the "sport" for about 8 months now, I have met and kept people that I thought would make good company...then as time went on, I invested in them emotionally...to cut this crap short, I started thinking and caring for them...and yesterday, I dunno...I happen to decide to just end all the caring...people who doesn't want to be cared should not be cared at all and I know that they won't give a shit if I care or not so yeah...it all ends here. Moving on, I shall master the "art of indifference" and put it into practice for the time being then after this one big shenanigan on March, I will start moving away from the scene...then slowly and quietly, I'll disappear into thin air. If I can remember correctly, this happened in the past but I never learned from it..it's like a vivid bad dream playing over again...What the hell Katie? When do you ever start accepting the fact that you are not living in a rainbow painted world with carousel rides and fluffy clouds and cotton candies scattered all over? When do you start believing that this world is far from being perfect...that people can hurt you anytime, anywhere and at any cost? You just would never learn won't you? :(( So to you ...and to some of you...I'm sorry that I cared too much...I should have read between the lines early on.
Today
1.) I will let go of all unnecessary baggage and keep those that are worth keeping
2.) I will value my worth as a person by stop caring for those who doesn't care or those who choose to care only when they need me, and to trust only those who are worthy of my trust.
3.) I will reformat my memory, save only the best and delete all the ugly part of it.
4.) I will never allow myself to do favors for others perusal and think that they see my worth when in fact I'm only being used and leaves me feeling shity afterwards.
5.) I will direct all my energy to what I have and stop looking for what I don't have.
6.) I will focus on what's important and ignore what's not.
7.) I will stop being too emotional and start being more logical
8.) I will pray for more wisdom before I decide on something and not just jump into a pit of fire and get burnt afterwards.
9.) I will add more optimism and lessen the pessimism to maintain equilibrium.
10.) I will let go of an opportunity that knocked twice to be with the one that means the world to me and start thinking how we can realize our dreams together.
***SO HELP ME GOD...
2.) I will value my worth as a person by stop caring for those who doesn't care or those who choose to care only when they need me, and to trust only those who are worthy of my trust.
3.) I will reformat my memory, save only the best and delete all the ugly part of it.
4.) I will never allow myself to do favors for others perusal and think that they see my worth when in fact I'm only being used and leaves me feeling shity afterwards.
5.) I will direct all my energy to what I have and stop looking for what I don't have.
6.) I will focus on what's important and ignore what's not.
7.) I will stop being too emotional and start being more logical
8.) I will pray for more wisdom before I decide on something and not just jump into a pit of fire and get burnt afterwards.
9.) I will add more optimism and lessen the pessimism to maintain equilibrium.
10.) I will let go of an opportunity that knocked twice to be with the one that means the world to me and start thinking how we can realize our dreams together.
***SO HELP ME GOD...
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Ok, I know I shouldn't be partying since my aunt passed away recently...but for the love of Lela and my favorite boys whom I haven't seen for a very long time.. off I went to Timog last night to have a few rounds of beer with the guys. It was hard...damn it really is...really hard to control oneself when the heart is screaming for more!you know what I'm saying? so yeah...ended up with 3 bottles of san mig light, made pulutan an ulam for the evening, a pack of marlboro, and tons of catching up to do...SOLB NA ANG GABI! BTW...DUSTIN BIEBER is gay!hahaha It's not Stephanie man...It's Stephano with an "O......" you could have just mistaken the girl as the one asking for your digits when it was actually the fagget beside her.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Eulogy
Our very last conversation: Saturday Feb 12,2011..Taytay new market....
Tita Rosie: Ay Katrina, ano ga yang pasan pasan mong sako na iyan?
Kate: E naglinis ho si mommy ng cabinet ni ate, sobrang daming damit hindi na magkasya kaya eto at isinako na nya yung iba para maibahagi sa Mindoro.
Tita Rosie: Amina at ipapamahagi ko sa mga pinsanan at mga mangyan doon. Ay katrina, anong payat mo na! Mahihili si nanay mo niyan..ay sabihin mo sa kanya: oy mommy, tingnan mo ako, payat na ako.
Kate: hay naku tiya, e baka lumagok ng isang boteng gamot pampapayat iyon, mahirap na!
Tita Rosie: hahahaha oo nga noh...hahahahhahahahahahha
Rosita Rabano Contreras...a loving wife and mother..a giving aunt..an understanding daughter..caring grandmother...passed away yesterday as of 3:30pm. I've known her as the jolliest person in my universe...I've never seen her sad or angry or frustrated. Every time I visit her in their banana stall (by the way, she's a biyahera of whatever produce we have in Mindoro, e.g banana, coconut, mango..yadda yadda yadda), she never fail to flash the most genuine smile. I could hang around their banana stall , talking and catching up with her for hours and hours without noticing the time. Ask anything and she'll provide it to the best of her ability. She gives whatever we need and she gives more than what we expect. She never ask for anything in return..I remember last Christmas when she said "Katrina, akin na lang yung mga tuta ni Lyka o ni Brownie...aalagaan ko sila, kahit wala ka ng pamasko sa akin, yung mga tuta na lang..lahat sila dalhin mo sa kin..mamahalin ko sila" I can't help but shed a tear every time I remember her saying these words. She loved the unlovable and took extra care of it. I even remember her saying: "Ano ga naman yung tutang itim na ibinigay mo neng, ay sa ayaw kumaen! Gulping bilhan ko pa ng kornbip para lang kumain..naninibago wari" She fed the dog cornbeef while she eats tuyo. Last Wednesday night,tito Junior and I were reminiscing all of the good times we had with tita Rosie when he said this: "alam mo neng, nung linggo ng umaga umuwi iyan na may dala dalang sako, tinanong ko kung ano gang laman ng sakong iyon at binaktot pa niya pauwi sa atin, sabi niya...Iya'y wag mo gagalawin,...pinasan ni Katrina yan pa palengke, pamigay sa mga pinsanan at mangyan...naawa ako kay Katrina, sa bigat niyan! Akalain mo'y dala dala nya yan mula parking hanggang sa pwesto na walang kahiya hiya..hay naku, wag mong gagalawin iyan!" Needless to say, I found myself weeping and choking of my own sobs.
Tita went home last Sunday from Manila doing the usual thing she does every weekend. Except this time, she had an episode of stroke where 66cc of blood clotted in the left hemisphere of her brain while leaving her body in a coma state. Since technology and advancement in science are scarce in that area, her body needs to be transported to Manila for surgery. As some may have known, my immediate family of 4 are all medically inclined. Dad is a medical technician, mom is a midwife, ate is a nurse, and I am a pharmacist. By saying that, it is our responsibility to assist family members who are ill and need to be brought to the hospital. By the time the news broke, Mom and Dad were on their way to Zamboanga to visit lolo and other relatives in dad's side. Meanwhile, ate cannot skip work, so I as the only one available and has all the luxury time in the world to spend, had to be there and be the mediator between the doctors and the relatives. I had to be there to explain and help them understand what has been happening all along. I had to be there to help my cousins and uncle make a decision as to what shall be done. I had to be there to have them share the burden with me..to console them when I myself needs to be consoled...I had to remain strong. I was there all along, seeing what seems to be and an indescribable pain and unfathomable sorrow looking through the eyes of her husband, daughters, siblings and friends who brought her in. I was there to witness and experience the fear that in any minute, the Lord might take her away from us. And it was hard...it was hard to be their eyes, their ears, their mouth and their shoulders when I myself has been struggling to remain calm and collected amidst the situation. For the love of tita Rosie and all that she is and was to me...I had to be there and I will never ever regret a single thing.
Death is so sudden...it's like a thief in the night that would rob us out of our happiness and sanity and leave us with nothing but indefinable grief and pain. And as it unfolds before our eyes, we can't do anything but to accept and take in all the pain and sorrow and pray that eventually, we could get past this stage. Grief is a cycle and you can never get past one stage without experiencing the rest. According to Kubler Ross, there are 5 stages of grief ...first would be denial...second, anger...third, bargaining...fourth, depression...fifth, acceptance. And where are we right now? I guess we are in the acceptance phase of the cycle. As much as we would want to jump in and revive her through aggressive measures...we chose not to. We let death creep in and take its place as we watch her almost lifeless form deteriorate like rotten fruit...DNR...last order in the list..and boom! She's gone. We wanted to fight for her life but who are we to prolong the agony that she is experiencing as she struggle in her death bed? Who are we to deprive her of the comfort that she would get once she sits beside the throne of our loving Father? Who are we to question the mind of the Lord when we know that His mind is wiser than anything and anyone else and His purpose is far beyond our knowledge can grasp? So as painful as it may seem and as hard as we perceive it to be, we cannot do anything but to let go and accept the fact that she's gone..that she's never coming back. Her smiles we can see no more...her laughs we can hear no more...her hugs we can feel no more but her love that she unselfishly divided to each family member will always reign and will always radiate in places where we see her...in our hearts. Today, I pray that we find comfort in the idea that she is in a better place right now where she will never feel pain, or hunger, or thirst, or sorrow....May your soul rest in peace Tita Rosie...you will always be remembered and every bits and pieces of memory you have imparted in us will remain in our hearts forever. I bid farewell for now, but I know in my heart, that we'll see each other again...We love you.
Whatever peanut butter
I hate being vulnerable.....I hate being weak
My heart breaks every minute, and it's makin' me damn sick
In the corner of own world, I sigh and wonder why
And in my bed I lie, as I let the tears fall from my eye
Elation, joy, sorrow, anger, pain, and grief
Don't you think that's too much emotions for me to handle in a week?
I wish I'm just like superman, that only in kryptonite I fall
unfortunately I am not..I am just human..H U M A N like y'all
Someone once told me to "enjoy the summer heat"
For with every situation, there are odds I gotta beat
Tell me with all thine heart, how the hell do I remain positive?
ok, that's my dilemma to face...but I tell you, its hard to be assertive
Seriously, it is one hell of an effort to make this heart laugh
But these eyes are the window of my soul..these eyes, they don't bluff
Hell yeah you'll see me smile, but truth is they're nothing but lies
Coz deep within me I am breaking...I'm just the damn master of disguise....
----by: Katie
Saturday, February 12, 2011
On family feud
usapang mag ama...
Kate: Dad, how did you keep up with mom's behavior? She's crazy and I know you know that...
Dad: Simple lang, mahal ko sya...nagkakilala na kaming ganyan sya at hanggang sa tumanda kami hindi magbabago yun...mamahalin ko pa din sya...kaya anak Pakiusap ko lang sa inyo, lawakan nyo pa pang unawa ninyo, palawakin din ang pagmamahal sa puso ninyo, wag nyong hayaang matalo kayo ng galit at wag kayo mag dwell sa past...move on...at pinaka importante, magdasal ng mataimtim..Kahit anong mangyari, nanay nyo yan...ganyan sya kasi mahal na mahal nya kayo.
***Nakakapanibago...lumaki ako ng malaki ang takot sa tatay ko..kasi lagi nyang sambit sa kin nung kabataan ko "ano matigas na mga buto mo, kaya mo ng lumaban?" lagi nya ako hinahamon sa bawat kalokohan na ginawa ko "ano, may sanga na sungay mo? babaliin ko yan, tumino ka lang"...Sa bawat hagupit at salita..wala akong nagagawa kundi tumiklop ang tuhod at itago ang sungay. Literal ang fear ko sa kanya...Hindi naman sa battered kid ako, over disciplined lang siguro to the point na gusto ko kumawala. Hmmmm...naaalala ko pa nung muntikan ko na masunog ang bahay namin sa kagustuhan kong maging mala Julie de Vega sa olympics na nag light ng torch..ayun sinindihan ko ang bagong gawang christmas tree ng tatay ko (uso pa noon ang home made christmas tree)...latay ang inabot ko sa mura kong edad. Pero ang bawat latay e nagsilbing paalala na mahal nya ako at ito ang nagpatibay sa duwag kong puso. Oo, malakas ang loob ko mag gago noon pero duwag ako, siguro mas appropriate sa kin ang carefree at careless. Pero ngayon, Napa elibs ako ng tatay ko sa lawak ng pang unawa nya..at ngayon ko lang napatunayan ang lalim ng intelektwal nya. Sana namana ko yun, sana sa pagtanda ko maging katulad ako ng idolo ko. Sa kabila ng pinakita kong ugali kanina, natamo ko lang e mahigpit na yakap mula sa tatay ko at isang mahinang bulong sa tenga na "Anak, naiintindihan ko ang galit mo.."
****Kasing lupet ng hagupit ni Ondoy ang sitwasyon ngayon...hindi ko ma define ang pain at regret. Pain mula sa salitang hindi na kaya bawiin kahit ilang libong salapi pa ang ihampas sa mukha ko, at regret na naging malakas ako...at malakas na ang loob ko makapanakit ng taong mahal ko. Natatakot ako sa panibagong lakas na nadiskubre ko sa pag-aaral ng muay thai...hindi ko pa alam kung pano ko gagamitin ang lakas na to lalo na pag galit ako. Either nakakasakit ako or nasasaktan ko sarili ko. Pero isa lang ang alam ko..ang strength na ito ang makakapagpatibay ng loob ko at makakatulong sa kin upang malagpasan ang hamon na ito. Natatakot lang ako sa markang maiiwan ko sa utak ng mommy...struggling kaming lahat ngayon..Natatakot kami para sa mommy ko..nurse ang ate ko at pharmacist naman ako, base sa assesment namin e nawawala na sa sarili nanay namin. Unang una, there is what they call post menopausal psychosis which we believe is what she has right now..pangalawa naluto utak ng nanay ko sa sibutramine at amphetamine pa ata sa sobrang die hard nya magpapayat, lahat na ng diet pills nilagok nya, pangatlo, di ko din naman masisi, tarantado talaga ako dati. Ang OA ko nga ngayon e, trying hard to the nth level na maging matino, pero kahit anong pagmamalinis ang gawin ko hindi na ata mawawala sa isip nya na minsan akong naging black sheep. Pero anu't ano pa man, hindi matatapos sa araw na to ang pagpapatunay kong mahal ko sya at hindi ko sya iiwan magkamatayan man...I'll go to hell and back for mommy. Kaya tama si dad, kelanganang palawakin pa lalo ang pagmamahal sa puso para lubusang maintindihan ang sitwasyon...Im not quitting...sabi nga nila "rest if you must, but don't quit" Bagkos ay manghihingi pa ako ng isang katerbang pasensya sa May Kapal....for now, I wallow in pain..yun ang alam ko.
Kate: Dad, how did you keep up with mom's behavior? She's crazy and I know you know that...
Dad: Simple lang, mahal ko sya...nagkakilala na kaming ganyan sya at hanggang sa tumanda kami hindi magbabago yun...mamahalin ko pa din sya...kaya anak Pakiusap ko lang sa inyo, lawakan nyo pa pang unawa ninyo, palawakin din ang pagmamahal sa puso ninyo, wag nyong hayaang matalo kayo ng galit at wag kayo mag dwell sa past...move on...at pinaka importante, magdasal ng mataimtim..Kahit anong mangyari, nanay nyo yan...ganyan sya kasi mahal na mahal nya kayo.
***Nakakapanibago...lumaki ako ng malaki ang takot sa tatay ko..kasi lagi nyang sambit sa kin nung kabataan ko "ano matigas na mga buto mo, kaya mo ng lumaban?" lagi nya ako hinahamon sa bawat kalokohan na ginawa ko "ano, may sanga na sungay mo? babaliin ko yan, tumino ka lang"...Sa bawat hagupit at salita..wala akong nagagawa kundi tumiklop ang tuhod at itago ang sungay. Literal ang fear ko sa kanya...Hindi naman sa battered kid ako, over disciplined lang siguro to the point na gusto ko kumawala. Hmmmm...naaalala ko pa nung muntikan ko na masunog ang bahay namin sa kagustuhan kong maging mala Julie de Vega sa olympics na nag light ng torch..ayun sinindihan ko ang bagong gawang christmas tree ng tatay ko (uso pa noon ang home made christmas tree)...latay ang inabot ko sa mura kong edad. Pero ang bawat latay e nagsilbing paalala na mahal nya ako at ito ang nagpatibay sa duwag kong puso. Oo, malakas ang loob ko mag gago noon pero duwag ako, siguro mas appropriate sa kin ang carefree at careless. Pero ngayon, Napa elibs ako ng tatay ko sa lawak ng pang unawa nya..at ngayon ko lang napatunayan ang lalim ng intelektwal nya. Sana namana ko yun, sana sa pagtanda ko maging katulad ako ng idolo ko. Sa kabila ng pinakita kong ugali kanina, natamo ko lang e mahigpit na yakap mula sa tatay ko at isang mahinang bulong sa tenga na "Anak, naiintindihan ko ang galit mo.."
****Kasing lupet ng hagupit ni Ondoy ang sitwasyon ngayon...hindi ko ma define ang pain at regret. Pain mula sa salitang hindi na kaya bawiin kahit ilang libong salapi pa ang ihampas sa mukha ko, at regret na naging malakas ako...at malakas na ang loob ko makapanakit ng taong mahal ko. Natatakot ako sa panibagong lakas na nadiskubre ko sa pag-aaral ng muay thai...hindi ko pa alam kung pano ko gagamitin ang lakas na to lalo na pag galit ako. Either nakakasakit ako or nasasaktan ko sarili ko. Pero isa lang ang alam ko..ang strength na ito ang makakapagpatibay ng loob ko at makakatulong sa kin upang malagpasan ang hamon na ito. Natatakot lang ako sa markang maiiwan ko sa utak ng mommy...struggling kaming lahat ngayon..Natatakot kami para sa mommy ko..nurse ang ate ko at pharmacist naman ako, base sa assesment namin e nawawala na sa sarili nanay namin. Unang una, there is what they call post menopausal psychosis which we believe is what she has right now..pangalawa naluto utak ng nanay ko sa sibutramine at amphetamine pa ata sa sobrang die hard nya magpapayat, lahat na ng diet pills nilagok nya, pangatlo, di ko din naman masisi, tarantado talaga ako dati. Ang OA ko nga ngayon e, trying hard to the nth level na maging matino, pero kahit anong pagmamalinis ang gawin ko hindi na ata mawawala sa isip nya na minsan akong naging black sheep. Pero anu't ano pa man, hindi matatapos sa araw na to ang pagpapatunay kong mahal ko sya at hindi ko sya iiwan magkamatayan man...I'll go to hell and back for mommy. Kaya tama si dad, kelanganang palawakin pa lalo ang pagmamahal sa puso para lubusang maintindihan ang sitwasyon...Im not quitting...sabi nga nila "rest if you must, but don't quit" Bagkos ay manghihingi pa ako ng isang katerbang pasensya sa May Kapal....for now, I wallow in pain..yun ang alam ko.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
A change of heart
Usapang MMA
Mario: Sinong fighter ba ang ni aachieve mo na maging kasing lupet mo Kate?
Kate: Si Gina Carano
Mario: Bakit?
Kate: Kasi 1.) maganda standing nya 2.) sya lang naman kilala kong babaeng fighter 3.) mukha syang barbie, ang pretty pretty nya.
Mario: mukhang barbie...amp! kilala mo si cyborg?
Kate: tao ba yun?
Mario: Oo
Kate: babae?
Mario: Oo din...
Kate: ahhhhhhhh,,hindi tol, sino ba yun?
Mario: sya lang naman bumugbog sa barbie mong si Gina Carano
Kate: Ows? Weh?Di nga? labo yun tol, malupet si Carano e!
Mario: Gags, oo nga! O eto panoorin mo!
Wow! yoko na sayo Gina Carano..haha
When photos come to life
Fred: ate kate!
Kate: yo!
Fred: pwedeng magyabang?
Kate: cge lang! ano ba yun? game
Then he sent me this:
He stitched 600+ photos just to create a 31 sec video.,..how adik could that get??! But yeah, it's legendary dude...Sana someday I could create something like this din! BTW, Fred is my kababata and kapitbahay way back in Riyadh.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Iridescent: Brightness amidst chaos
I've been having Last Song Syndromes lately. My most recent ones would be that of Linkin Park's "Waiting for the End". I usually have a bad memory when it comes to song lyrics, I only get to know them by heart if I need or have to, other than that, I mumble some random mambo-jumbo lyrics just to sound like it. So I looked for the lyrics of the song over google and while reading through it, my eye shifted towards the left pane of the screen and a certain song title from their album " A Thousand Suns" caught my attention.
WORD FOR THE DAY: Iridescent.
I looked for it's meaning and this is what I got:
Iridescent [ˌɪrɪˈdɛsənt]
adj.
1. Producing a display of lustrous, rainbowlike colors: an iridescent oil slick; iridescent plumage.
2. Brilliant, lustrous, or colorful in effect or appearance: "The prelude was as iridescent as a prism in a morning room" (Carson McCullers).
also
iridescent - varying in color when seen in different lights or from different angles; "changeable taffeta"; "chatoyant (or shot) silk"; "a dragonfly hovered, vibrating and iridescent"
So sharing with you right now is the lyrics from the song "Iridescent" by Linkin Park:
When you were standing in the wake of devastation
When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown
With the cataclysm raining down
Your insides crying, "Save me now"
You were there, impossibly alone.
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failures all you've known.
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go.
Let it go.
And in a burst of light that blinded every angel
As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars
You felt the gravity of tempered grace
Falling into empty space
With no one there to catch you in their arms.
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failures all you've known.
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go.
Let it go.
(Instrumental Break)
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failures all you've known.
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failures all you've known.
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go.
Let it go.
***My take on the lyrics?
Beautiful...but it's a little redundant since the words were repeated over and over, but maybe this is their way of letting the words and its meaning burrow inside our brain to keep us reminded that no matter how deep the shit we're in... in whatever sadness or frustration we're experiencing...when we are at the point of breaking down and losing our sanity due to some chaotic situation ..there's no better way but to learn to move on and let go. It might not be easy, it may also not be that hard because there's always a bright side in everything . Things vary in color when seen in different lights or from different angles. Therefore, misfortunes can turn to great fortunes only if we change our position and look at them at a different point of view... Iridescent. :D
WORD FOR THE DAY: Iridescent.
I looked for it's meaning and this is what I got:
Iridescent [ˌɪrɪˈdɛsənt]
adj.
1. Producing a display of lustrous, rainbowlike colors: an iridescent oil slick; iridescent plumage.
2. Brilliant, lustrous, or colorful in effect or appearance: "The prelude was as iridescent as a prism in a morning room" (Carson McCullers).
also
iridescent - varying in color when seen in different lights or from different angles; "changeable taffeta"; "chatoyant (or shot) silk"; "a dragonfly hovered, vibrating and iridescent"
So sharing with you right now is the lyrics from the song "Iridescent" by Linkin Park:
When you were standing in the wake of devastation
When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown
With the cataclysm raining down
Your insides crying, "Save me now"
You were there, impossibly alone.
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failures all you've known.
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go.
Let it go.
And in a burst of light that blinded every angel
As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars
You felt the gravity of tempered grace
Falling into empty space
With no one there to catch you in their arms.
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failures all you've known.
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go.
Let it go.
(Instrumental Break)
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failures all you've known.
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failures all you've known.
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go.
Let it go.
***My take on the lyrics?
Beautiful...but it's a little redundant since the words were repeated over and over, but maybe this is their way of letting the words and its meaning burrow inside our brain to keep us reminded that no matter how deep the shit we're in... in whatever sadness or frustration we're experiencing...when we are at the point of breaking down and losing our sanity due to some chaotic situation ..there's no better way but to learn to move on and let go. It might not be easy, it may also not be that hard because there's always a bright side in everything . Things vary in color when seen in different lights or from different angles. Therefore, misfortunes can turn to great fortunes only if we change our position and look at them at a different point of view... Iridescent. :D
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Breathe in. Breathe out.Repeat if necessary
This 2011, my goal is to stay positive..I have promised in the past that I'll try hard to post good stuff. Forgive me, but this time I can't..I don't mean to go back to my old cranky, nega, emo, self centered self...just give me this time to breathe in and out in my personal (well not totally) space... It's been 2 weeks since my parents got back from abroad...and it's been 2 weeks that I haven't had the quality time with him. He was there on my birthday but I failed to give him my undivided attention since I have to host my own soiree. It kills me not to give him the time he needs...Over the years, I have proven that without time, we drift apart..he drifts apart from me. And I'm afraid that history would repeat itself...right now, Im having this same feeling I had 7,6 and 3 years back...Yes we've been together for 9 years but it wasn't as smooth as some may think it is. We had our share of mishaps...He had his major share of mistakes but I don't intend to get there right now..at least not in the time being. He's been on the rocks lately and it scares the hell out of me...So earlier today, I hoarded all the courage to ask him why he's been acting that way lately. And you know what he said? he said this:
Cold? ako ang cold, e ikaw nagtetext lang pag naaalala mo e...masyado kang busy sa mga ginagawa mo!My heart melted at an instant...actually right now, my fingers are moving at a pace that my heart can't keep up with...my mind is empty of the things that I have to say..that I want to say... but my heart has been filled with nothing but pain..I wish....I'm numb right now... I wish these pain receptors are de-activated so I wont perceive as much pain as I am getting right now. Is it really my fault? Am I too enthralled with the things I've been doing lately that's why I failed to put up to his expectations? I hate arguments...I've gotten past that stage already...I hate the feeling of being defenseless too but at the same time, Im tired of being over defensive. So here's what I said:
It's my fault babe and Im sorry..I promise to text you all the time moving forward.. I love you..
But do you honestly think that I said the right thing? That I took all the blame? Or should it be something like this:
Does it always have to start with me? Are you kidding me? 9 years and you're still asking for my time when all I have given you is more than time itself?I've given you all of me yet you are depriving me of that teeny weeny space that I'd like to have for myself. Really? my fault? you're saying that I choose to text you only if I remember to do so? What about you choosing to remember to text me too? That ain't fair..you're not being fair..You are hurting me right now....but beyond all your imperfections...I chose to be with you...and I will choose over and over again to be with you, you know why? because I love you more than life itself.... :'(
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
En.Bi.Ay
Wala sana ako balak mag update ng buhay ko, kaso syet na malagkit...nakakaburat lang talaga ang experience ko ngayong araw na to. I may get different reactions and POVs..some of you might or might not agree, but I completely understand, anyway we're all entitled to our own opinion. Just.....let me vent this out in my breathing space will you...woohsaa! Ok, ilan na ba sa tin ang nadismaya sa serbisyo ng isang ahensya ng gobyerno? Raise your hands people! I'm raising mine...both of them actually! O sya, ako na ang reklamador, ako na ang maarte, ako na ang maikli ang pasensya, ako na ang prinsesa ng tantrums..but come to think of it, nagbabayad tayo ng tamang buwis yet eto ang kapalit ng bawat sentimong kinakaltas nila sa sahod natin? That ain't fair because I strongly believe that they can deliver good services if they want to! I've proven that to some agencies like DFA, LTO and SSS to name a few. Kaya nga minsan, just to save my ass from all the hassle, I initially check online if what I need is available for delivery, kesehodang magbayad ng doble.
Dati rati, NBI ang pinakapaboritong government agency ko kasi swabe ang serbisyo nila nung nasa Carriedo pa. Organized and timely lahat, Pero ngayong nasa monumento na sila, men sakit sa bangs..parang palengke lang therefore isa na sya sa lugar na nais kong burahin sa mapa ng Pilipinas, or pwede din namang nagkataon lang na ang iniisip ko ay iniisip din nila at iniisip ng lahat...na walang tao sa patay na araw gaya ng Tues, Wed, Thurs.Oh well, bakit nga ba tayo kumukuha ng NBI clearance...ano nga bang silbi nito? Ayon sa aking pananaliksik sa google, ang NBI clearance ay isang importanteng dokumento na magpapatunay na wala kang kahit anong criminal record at hindi ka magiging threat sa kung ano mang papasukan mong trabaho o bansa. Isa syang requirement bago matanggap sa trabaho o bago makakuha ng visa para makapangibang bansa. So bakit ko kelangan ng NBI? POEA registration purposes...kaya sa mga nagbabalak magpa rehistro sa POEA, ngayon pa lang lakarin nyo na ang NBI ninyo. Oo hindi ako tanga, alam kong may iba't ibang branches ang NBI sa buong ka Maynilaan, ngunit, subalit, datapwat pinili kong kumuha sa main sa pag aakalang mas mapapadali ang proseso, but I was proven wrong..para tuloy akong tinampuyong ng kanta ng brownman revival sa ulo...MALING AKALA.
Let's review some steps in getting an NBI clearance/renewing an NBI clearance shall we?
1.) Kelangan mo mag secure ng form kapag mag aapply ka ng bagong NBI clearance (syempre naman!) pero pag renewal lang pwede ka na dumeretso sa loob at pumila rekta sa payments. Kaso may catch, may signage dun na nakalagay "pumila dito: renewal/new application" so mapapa isip ka talaga na iisa lang ang pila pero WRONG...sa iyong kaliwa ang pila ng new applic, sa bandang kanan ang pila ng renewal...napansin ko lang na madaming bumalik sa square one kanina kasi misonformed ang mga tao sa basic information gaya nito. Sa pagkuha pa lang ng form e aabutin ka na ng siyam siyam sa paghihintay sa pila, kaya i-ready ang sarili sa possibleng pagkabagot...payo ko lang, ipa-save ang spot sa tao s likod mo sabay tumambay muna sa isang kiosk e.g. Egg mess station..at kumain ng tokneneng at penoy na binabad sa mantika. Onga pala, may mga nagooffer din ng cedulla sa labas ng mall pero babala: wag mawindang dahil hindi na kelangan ng cedulla, 2 valid I.Ds lang and your good to go.
2.) Syempre kelangan mo i-fill out ang form di ba...pagpasok mo sa bandang kanan, may humongous tarpoline dun na guide mo para hindi ka masermonan ng ale/mama sa data check...sundin mo by the book..pero gamitin ang kunsinte kumon..hindi lahat ng makikita sa tarp ay dapat kopyahin.
3.) Data check: dito iveverify kung tama ba ang mga detalye na pinagsususulat mo sa application form o sadyang nangttrip ka lang..BTW medyo magaan at mabilis ng super slight ang pila dito...siguro sakto na ang mga 10 min mo.
4.) Payments: eto ang side trip sa impyerno...brutally gruesome ang pila..tipong abot timbuktu sa haba, dami pa buraot na pa-simpleng sumisingit, kaya kung mainitin ang ulo mo e makakapatay ka ng tao. Ang pila dito ay lumiliko, nagsasanga, nanganganak, bumubunga....papasok pa lang yon. Pagpasok mo e madaming bintana kung saan pwede magbayad ngunit konti ang empleyadong naka abang sa bawat bintana kaya tip: magbaon ng eksaktong pera at gamitin ang automated machine upang makapagbayad ng mabilis at maka proceed sa susunod na step which is:
5.) Quick search: dito malalaman kung may ka-hit ka na pangalan...kung Juan Dela Cruz ang buong pangalan mo e don't fret...mapapatagal ka lang sa releasing..mga sakto na ang one week na paghihintay, pero pag in dire need of NBI clearance at ikaw ay si Juan DelaCruz, sorry na lang boi pero there's no way in hell na makukuha mo sya same day. Dito din sa quick search dito malalaman kung ikaw o may kapangalan kang ex-convict, terorista, manggagancho, rapist, mamamatay tao o pugante...record check kung baga. Kaya pag dito pa lang e alam mong papalya ka na, save yourself from all the hassle at umuwi na bago ka pa ipahuli't ipakulong ng di-oras..remember ang motto nila ay Nobility, Bravery and Integrity kaya dude, no way out ka..mahuhuli ka balbon.
6.) Image capture: syempre pipiktyuran ka para may souvenir sa dokumento mo!haha But seriously, ng litrato na yun ang magsisilbing identification na ikaw mismo ang taong nakasaad sa NBI clearance, bawal proxy!
7.) Finger printing: parang bumoboto ka lang...isasawsaw sa ink yung mga daliri mo, ilalapat sa application form...in short, dudumihan nila ang bagong manicure mong mga kamay.But don't fret...may tig ttatlong pisong tissue at alcohol namn na available para hindi ka umuwing gusgusin.
8.) Registration: dito mo malalaman kung marerelease ang NBI clearance mo same day or maghihintay ka ng isang dekada bago ma release ang kapirasong papel na nagsasabing clear ka of criminal records. Naalala ko, nung una akong nag apply ng NBI clearance, may makulit na ale na tanong ng tanong kung bakit isang linggo pa marerelease ang clearance nya, si ate sa likod ng bintana e todo paliwanag naman kaso nakulitan na talaga..sa bwisit nya tinatakan nya ng 2 weeks ang release...kaya paalala lang..wag kang makulit, pag sinabing 3 days..e di 3 days..pag sinabing 1 week..wag ka na umangal!
9.) Release: yun na ang bunga ng iyong paghihirap at maaari ka ng mag chillax...plugging: sa 3rd floor ng mall e may nag ooffer ng tig 100 pesos na massage service, pwede ka sumide trip para ma relax bago bumyahe pauwi.
On a personal note:
*** Sabi ng katrabaho ko, 30 min lang daw inabot ang pag aapply nya ng NBI clearance...yung isang kaibigan ko naman e 1 hour daw...Pero bakit ako, sa pangalawang pagkakataon e umabot ng kalahating araw?! Sinunod ko naman ang lahat ng payo nila, nung una pumunta ako ng maaga sa patay na araw...wala din, inabot pa din ako ng siyam siyam...ngayon naman, medyo late lang ako ng slight na slight....ganun pa din. Talaga nga naman, pag kinan*** ng kamalasmalasan e mamalasin ka...wala naman ako balat sa pwet, pero bakit ako?Ako na nagiging matapat na mamamayan ng bayang ito...tssssss So yeah, I ended up getting a form and having it checked...the rest is history. Kelangan kong bumalik sa ibang araw para tapusin ang aking sinimulan. Kaya naman NBI...Please...please..please...be kind to me the next time around. :(
Dati rati, NBI ang pinakapaboritong government agency ko kasi swabe ang serbisyo nila nung nasa Carriedo pa. Organized and timely lahat, Pero ngayong nasa monumento na sila, men sakit sa bangs..parang palengke lang therefore isa na sya sa lugar na nais kong burahin sa mapa ng Pilipinas, or pwede din namang nagkataon lang na ang iniisip ko ay iniisip din nila at iniisip ng lahat...na walang tao sa patay na araw gaya ng Tues, Wed, Thurs.Oh well, bakit nga ba tayo kumukuha ng NBI clearance...ano nga bang silbi nito? Ayon sa aking pananaliksik sa google, ang NBI clearance ay isang importanteng dokumento na magpapatunay na wala kang kahit anong criminal record at hindi ka magiging threat sa kung ano mang papasukan mong trabaho o bansa. Isa syang requirement bago matanggap sa trabaho o bago makakuha ng visa para makapangibang bansa. So bakit ko kelangan ng NBI? POEA registration purposes...kaya sa mga nagbabalak magpa rehistro sa POEA, ngayon pa lang lakarin nyo na ang NBI ninyo. Oo hindi ako tanga, alam kong may iba't ibang branches ang NBI sa buong ka Maynilaan, ngunit, subalit, datapwat pinili kong kumuha sa main sa pag aakalang mas mapapadali ang proseso, but I was proven wrong..para tuloy akong tinampuyong ng kanta ng brownman revival sa ulo...MALING AKALA.
Let's review some steps in getting an NBI clearance/renewing an NBI clearance shall we?
1.) Kelangan mo mag secure ng form kapag mag aapply ka ng bagong NBI clearance (syempre naman!) pero pag renewal lang pwede ka na dumeretso sa loob at pumila rekta sa payments. Kaso may catch, may signage dun na nakalagay "pumila dito: renewal/new application" so mapapa isip ka talaga na iisa lang ang pila pero WRONG...sa iyong kaliwa ang pila ng new applic, sa bandang kanan ang pila ng renewal...napansin ko lang na madaming bumalik sa square one kanina kasi misonformed ang mga tao sa basic information gaya nito. Sa pagkuha pa lang ng form e aabutin ka na ng siyam siyam sa paghihintay sa pila, kaya i-ready ang sarili sa possibleng pagkabagot...payo ko lang, ipa-save ang spot sa tao s likod mo sabay tumambay muna sa isang kiosk e.g. Egg mess station..at kumain ng tokneneng at penoy na binabad sa mantika. Onga pala, may mga nagooffer din ng cedulla sa labas ng mall pero babala: wag mawindang dahil hindi na kelangan ng cedulla, 2 valid I.Ds lang and your good to go.
2.) Syempre kelangan mo i-fill out ang form di ba...pagpasok mo sa bandang kanan, may humongous tarpoline dun na guide mo para hindi ka masermonan ng ale/mama sa data check...sundin mo by the book..pero gamitin ang kunsinte kumon..hindi lahat ng makikita sa tarp ay dapat kopyahin.
3.) Data check: dito iveverify kung tama ba ang mga detalye na pinagsususulat mo sa application form o sadyang nangttrip ka lang..BTW medyo magaan at mabilis ng super slight ang pila dito...siguro sakto na ang mga 10 min mo.
4.) Payments: eto ang side trip sa impyerno...brutally gruesome ang pila..tipong abot timbuktu sa haba, dami pa buraot na pa-simpleng sumisingit, kaya kung mainitin ang ulo mo e makakapatay ka ng tao. Ang pila dito ay lumiliko, nagsasanga, nanganganak, bumubunga....papasok pa lang yon. Pagpasok mo e madaming bintana kung saan pwede magbayad ngunit konti ang empleyadong naka abang sa bawat bintana kaya tip: magbaon ng eksaktong pera at gamitin ang automated machine upang makapagbayad ng mabilis at maka proceed sa susunod na step which is:
5.) Quick search: dito malalaman kung may ka-hit ka na pangalan...kung Juan Dela Cruz ang buong pangalan mo e don't fret...mapapatagal ka lang sa releasing..mga sakto na ang one week na paghihintay, pero pag in dire need of NBI clearance at ikaw ay si Juan DelaCruz, sorry na lang boi pero there's no way in hell na makukuha mo sya same day. Dito din sa quick search dito malalaman kung ikaw o may kapangalan kang ex-convict, terorista, manggagancho, rapist, mamamatay tao o pugante...record check kung baga. Kaya pag dito pa lang e alam mong papalya ka na, save yourself from all the hassle at umuwi na bago ka pa ipahuli't ipakulong ng di-oras..remember ang motto nila ay Nobility, Bravery and Integrity kaya dude, no way out ka..mahuhuli ka balbon.
6.) Image capture: syempre pipiktyuran ka para may souvenir sa dokumento mo!haha But seriously, ng litrato na yun ang magsisilbing identification na ikaw mismo ang taong nakasaad sa NBI clearance, bawal proxy!
7.) Finger printing: parang bumoboto ka lang...isasawsaw sa ink yung mga daliri mo, ilalapat sa application form...in short, dudumihan nila ang bagong manicure mong mga kamay.But don't fret...may tig ttatlong pisong tissue at alcohol namn na available para hindi ka umuwing gusgusin.
8.) Registration: dito mo malalaman kung marerelease ang NBI clearance mo same day or maghihintay ka ng isang dekada bago ma release ang kapirasong papel na nagsasabing clear ka of criminal records. Naalala ko, nung una akong nag apply ng NBI clearance, may makulit na ale na tanong ng tanong kung bakit isang linggo pa marerelease ang clearance nya, si ate sa likod ng bintana e todo paliwanag naman kaso nakulitan na talaga..sa bwisit nya tinatakan nya ng 2 weeks ang release...kaya paalala lang..wag kang makulit, pag sinabing 3 days..e di 3 days..pag sinabing 1 week..wag ka na umangal!
9.) Release: yun na ang bunga ng iyong paghihirap at maaari ka ng mag chillax...plugging: sa 3rd floor ng mall e may nag ooffer ng tig 100 pesos na massage service, pwede ka sumide trip para ma relax bago bumyahe pauwi.
On a personal note:
*** Sabi ng katrabaho ko, 30 min lang daw inabot ang pag aapply nya ng NBI clearance...yung isang kaibigan ko naman e 1 hour daw...Pero bakit ako, sa pangalawang pagkakataon e umabot ng kalahating araw?! Sinunod ko naman ang lahat ng payo nila, nung una pumunta ako ng maaga sa patay na araw...wala din, inabot pa din ako ng siyam siyam...ngayon naman, medyo late lang ako ng slight na slight....ganun pa din. Talaga nga naman, pag kinan*** ng kamalasmalasan e mamalasin ka...wala naman ako balat sa pwet, pero bakit ako?Ako na nagiging matapat na mamamayan ng bayang ito...tssssss So yeah, I ended up getting a form and having it checked...the rest is history. Kelangan kong bumalik sa ibang araw para tapusin ang aking sinimulan. Kaya naman NBI...Please...please..please...be kind to me the next time around. :(
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