The ONLY wish on the list...

This is the last thing I want for my family..NO, I never desired this for my family! But if this is God's will for us at the moment..then be it! Sometimes things have to be broken in order for it to be restored, same goes with my family, we have to be broken in order for us to be restored. If you've read my past post, I have written about one of my mom's psychotic episodes that nearly broke us then this post is nothing new to you I'm sure. Very very similar actually from that post...except that this time, dad left us.

I have been with mom for nearly a month now and I tell you, those days that I am with her felt like years in hell. Everyday is a battlefield, I cannot come near my dad or even look at him, because if I do so it's like we're blindly inviting for another psychotic attack from her, and that goes EVERY SINGLE DAY! And yesterday was...well, I thought everything was ok but I guess I thought wrong. Mom and I had a big fight few days prior their departure to the province due to one of her episodes and a day after they got back, mom approached me to apologize. I never harbor grudge in my heart and my nature is to forgive, it is one of those things that I acquired when I accepted Jesus in my heart. So regardless if you've hurt me big time, regardless if you have wounded my pride, stepped on my ego or spat on my face, as long as I get a sincere apology from you then that's good enough for me.  I'm like a 5 year old kid than can easily forgive all the bad things thrown my way with just a simple and sincere sorry.

 I was able to finish my Christmas shopping yesterday and I was so excited that I didn't mind if my feet sore or if I get squished among the crowd full of crazy christmas shoppers. Making my family happy this Christmas by getting gifts for them has been my drive to be the happy shopper which I usually am not. I got home late last night. My mom and my sister were waiting for me in the living room while dad was already in their room ready to go to sleep. To avoid discussions and to make them happy in the process, I brought them doughnuts and mom loved it, as a matter of fact she finished 2 large doughnuts. Just like an excited 5 year old kid, I showed her all the gifts I bought and she was as excited as I am. That appreciation I saw on her face is nothing but priceless. However,  I still can't deny the fact that I was beaten tired. We asked her to get some rest since it was already past midnight, so she went inside the room while my sister and I were packing away all the stuff I bought. It wasn't my intention that I left the main door open and the gate unlocked. I only wanted to rest for a couple of minutes before I wash up, brush my teeth, check on the doors and hit the sack but I didn't imagine that those couple of minutes were crucial. My mom went out to I guess check on us..I dunno, she just went out and saw the door widely open..she checked the gate and it was unlocked and right then she went inside their room to throw accusations on dad. At past midnight, she ironed all the clothes just to keep her awake...just to guard us if we are planning to sneak in somebody inside the house for a group sex..with dad! Crazy? absolutely! Who in her right mind would accuse her own flesh and blood having an illicit relationship with her spouse? Her spouse who happens to be our own biological father! In the realm of science, for a child to be conceived, it requires a sperm  and an egg to unite thus creating a zygote which will turn to an embryo which will then develops to a fetus, that sperm is of dad's and the egg is of mom's therefore, I together with my sister were the then fetus..So who in her right mind would think that way? who?! none except when you're psychotic! I didn't know all these until yesterday morning when I woke up at 7am finding daddy in the living room alone watching TV. He usually wakes up late nowadays so finding him awoken as early as 7am means there's something going on..and my expectations never failed me! Since Sunday till yesterday night, mom has been calling dad's family in zambo and fairview to spill all these bad beans about daddy. I'm just relieved that I have forewarned them about this and in the same way grateful that she was able to open up to them which actually created a loop hole so they can intervene in the situation. I normally don't want people to intervene in our family issues but lately, this has been my prayer actually because I now succumb to the fact that we cannot do this on our own. Come evening, as I was taking a short rest before prepping for work, mom was moving back and forth from their room and the living room blurting out things mainly of dad's alleged infidelity with different women which included her nieces, her mom, her friends..every one! With all those accusations dad just gave her the silent attack thinking she would get tired and stop. But the more dad got silent the more mom attacked her with words that are sharp enough to pierce him right through his heart. The final words that made dad finally snap was when she accused dad of incest. Dad said that she could say everything, connect him with all the women out there..he won't give a shit..but he will never tolerate being connected with his own daughters because that alone is a violation of his rights being our dad. All he did was to love and to take care of us and taking that against him is the biggest offender. Having mom step on his ego, dad packed his things and left the house. Right now I could say that we are officially broken until mom agrees to see a psychiatrist.

 12 days till Christmas...12 days and we're apart from each other. I remember this Christmas carol about gifts being received during the entire 12 days till christmas. Who wouldn't like of all the cool stuff  to be granted over the holidays? But sure, gifts are for the kids to enjoy so having to celebrate Christmas without gifts for adults is acceptable. But this time, can I ask for one wish this Christmas? Just this Christmas...can I be a kid again and ask for whatever I want? It doesn't have to take an entire 12 days list full of gifts. Promise, this will be my only wish on the list..ready for it? Here it is: Can I wish to bring my family back together for Christmas and make things ok again Lord? Can you make that possible please? :'(

Revelation

Ok. So now what? what am I to reveal? I've gone AWOL from my own blog for a very long time and now I'm coming back with a revelation that no one cares about, no one reads this blog anyway so I don't care, he won't read it anyway.haha Oh well...just so you know, Im in a relationship for 10 years...although I love the guy, yes I LOVE HIM with all my heart and I will marry him..I won't have a cold feet if that's where you're about to head next..but there are still things that I am looking for. C'mmon, being with the same person for 10 years is like eating the same meal every single day, I ain't complaining though..it's just that over a year ago, this guy I met in my muay thai gym simply swept me off my feet..literally during study sparring and figuratively. :) What can I say, I like the guy! He's just this mix of coolness and dorkiness..he's adorkable in everyway..smart, clean (really? clean..what the hell! of all the adjectives..haha) fun, daring, absolutely cute, nerdy..bad ass nerd! I can't just ignore the fact that I've been stalking him for a year now...I suck I know..and it sucks not having him know this. I haven't seen him since March or April I think..no, July! I kinda bumped into him during one of my running sessions and we have exchanged a few private chat messages like around October I think, but it's not one of those kinky, love sick, sneaking-behind-my-bfs-back messages..just the normal ones like friends use to do. BUT I FREAKING LIKE HIM! A part of me wishes that he could read this so he would know how I feel about him so I could finally be free of this feeling, because I don't like this anymore..my philosophy is that when someone knows how I feel about them I get automatically turned off..like auto pilot OFF. I suck huh? but this ain't right anymore..I just hate activating my fb just so I could peek into his FB...I hate it when I don't see an update from him, when I get out of the loop into what's new about him. There was a time when he de activated his FB for quite some time and it pissed me off because it's the only thing that connects me with him. Ugh I feel pathetic right now...but sometimes, having this secret kept within me makes me feel good..that feeling when you go 10 years back in time..it's like high school, but felt right. Damn if he goes up to me and says he likes me, which obviously he won't, who the fuck cares...I will not waste a moment!haha I might..who knows. So there's my revelation...God, I miss him.

Super Dad

 Many have said that I look exactly like daddy, and I take pride when they say that I am his junior version.Don't get me wrong, of course I'm also proud when they say I look like mommy. ;) But really, dad and I ? We're like pinagbiyak na pwet ika nga ng marami. Cut my hair super short , stuff my tummy so it can be Santa Claus-ish like his and draw a mustache above my lips.. Voila, I can be mistaken as Noel Demagajes Demayo. :)  I do a lot of things with him, when he goes up to fix the holes on the roof, I go up with him. When he does the plumbing at home and asks me to buy PVC pipe in the hardware store, I don't ask the guys to deliver it to our doorstep, I carry it home with pride and joy. I wanted to be like my dad although he is a "Jack of all traits, master of none" type of person. He can fix the ref, fix the car, build a house, lay tiles on the floor,  fix the the roof, fix electric cables and phone wires, he can sew the holes in my clothes heck he can even sew and make an entire panel of curtain, he can draw an entire contsruction plan with all the exact dimensions, he can do the laundry, he can cook good food, he can iron our clothes (that's his specialty by the way), he can make the bathroom tiles sparkling white and the walls of the house gnarly clean, he can speak from his heart  ( he's a good speaker by the way), he can capture beautiful photos, he can play any sport pretty darn well, he can sing and play the guitar, he can also play a little bit of the keyboard and he plays it by ear, he can't dance.. he can think and act  as a medical practitioner but he can be a farmer/gardener too, give him a parcel of land and you'll see him cultivate and grow plants and trees like he's just playing farmville.

There are a lot of things in the list that my daddy can do. But the thing I love the most, is him being our daddy.  He nursed our every wound..when our hearts get broken, he prayed with us so the Lord would take all that pain away. He taught us the value of everything big or small. He taught us that money can't buy everything and that it should never be the measure of man's happiness. He always say that: "ang pinakamahalagang bagay na maipapamana ko sa inyo bukod kay Hesus ay ang mga diploma na hawak nyo". He believes in the power of education so with that being said, I have received a thousand pitik and pingot from him when I was young with everytime the he reviews me for my math exams. Yes,  he stays up all night to review us for our exams up until High School. That is why I experience separation anxiety the entire 1st sem of freshman college when they sent me home. He wakes up early in the morning to fix us breakfast and he prepares our lunch for school. He have seen, supported and coached my every game in any sport...he even taught me cool techniques in boxing.  We watch Manny Pacquio together and even calls me overseas just so we could talk about Pacman @_@. I am his best athlete, they called me up last week and I told him about my 10k run result and he said "wow,ang bilis! Marathoner ka na din ngayon anak?"  He gives me and ate good massages with every muscle ache or when we're stressed with just about anything. Familiar of "haplos ng pagmamahal"?  He's hands have the power to make me and ate well everytime we're sick. Everything I know in the kitchen, I got it from him...everything I know about politics, economy, science, environment, love, showbiz etc. I learned it from him. Everything I know about computers...I didn't get it from him. If I am not a techie person, well, daddy is my worste version, but he tries hard to learn about it, but sometimes there are just people who are not techie inclined. Time is all a kid would ever want from a daddy and time is what he has given to us. When he comes home from night duty every Friday morning, he lies down in bed between ate and me to make up for the time lost. And he does that everytime he's home for vacation up until now that I am 25 and ate is 28. When it comes to disciplining us, daddy is the man! According to Proverbs 13:24 "He who spares his rod hates his son,  But he who loves him disciplines him promptly." and he did exactly as the Lord have commanded because he loves us.  I have broken his heart a million times and I've given shame in his name but he never failed to forgive me..he forgave me a thousand folds even when I did't deserve it...his love never falters. When I was young, he treated me like a child, but when I grew up, he talks to me with all wisdom and I appreciate that. I appreciate that he can trust my every decision . And of all the things that I've learned from daddy, loving Jesus and believing in Him is the best one he shared to us. Yup, daddy introduced me to Jesus from day 1 and that is the ultimate thing that I am very much proud of.

 "Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward." --Ps 127: 3...My father is the good steward of the Lord for whom my life has been entrusted upon, I on the other hand, is my father's treasure and I thank God with every single moment of my life that He gave me daddy for a father and at the same time, He entrusted my life to daddy. I am proud for carrying his name. And if I get married, i will still carry his name..I will be Katherine Demayo-Lasmarias... or what have you ! And btw, I wanted my future husband to be just like daddy (except for his heart condition of course) :)) See the hole in my heart dad? That hole says daddy I miss you...and I love you big big big big big time..Happy father's day to you and to all the dads and yet to become one out there..kampay para sa mga haligi ng tahanan :)

It's just weird that I miss you..I miss you being one of the funniest friends I had that even when you don't talk something about you makes me smile... I miss laughing my ass off with you... I miss being silly with you... I miss the out of this world hirit...I miss the imbento words...I miss myself feeling vulnerable and weak and scared and plain happy with just the thought of you...I miss the nerd in you...and I miss the entire person that you are... I know you that you are happy and floating on cloud 9 right now and I am happy because you deserve to love and be loved in return..just give me this right to miss you and that's more than I could ask for.

The whatever post

It's been a while...a long while since I've last updated this blog. I have been busy with a lot of stuff, mostly training stuff. Proud to say that everything paid off...won my first fight, gained new friends, got in to the weight that I've been dying to have...but somethings missing...I'm still lost...I still have indefinite plans. Got caught up in a situation where I have to choose between life long dreams and love..and as the person that I am, I opt in love instead. But I am happy of the choice I made, I am happy with the person I have and the person that I am. But there are times when I can't help thinking the what if's, but to hell with the what if's now.... I know I am happy and satisfied and that's what's important the rest depends to God and His will...if it really is His will for me to become the Doctor that I've been dreaming of since kindergarten, then I have faith that in the right time, He will give me another chance to fulfill that  dream, just not now. As for family, things are a little bumpy right now... Mom and dad are in the verge of calling it off..but I am still prayerful that my Lord will find a way to make things right. I was watching "How do you know" the other day and heard this line from George explaining what the play doh represents and it goes like this: " I've been keeping this thing as a reminder that we are all just a small adjustment away from making our lives work". True in it's very sense...but I'd say that God has His own ways on making our lives work according to His plans, will, and purpose designed especially for us. Ours is just to trust and obey and have faith that can move mountains despite the situation that we are facing. And as for me and my house...I surrender it all to you my Father.

...and it ends here

I am a woman of passion...if I happen to decide on doing something, I make sure to put all my time and heart in it. But, once I see a single flaw, I tend to get disheartened then I start noticing all the negative stuff and then quietly I disappear into thin air. Since I'm engaged to the "sport" for about 8 months now, I have met and kept people that I thought would make good company...then as time went on, I invested in them emotionally...to cut this crap short, I started thinking and caring for them...and yesterday, I dunno...I happen to decide to just end all the caring...people who doesn't want to be cared should not be cared at all and I know that they won't give a shit if I care or not so yeah...it all ends here. Moving on,  I shall master the "art of indifference" and put it into practice for the time being then after this one big shenanigan on March, I will start moving away from the scene...then  slowly and quietly, I'll disappear into thin air. If I can remember correctly, this happened in the past but I never learned from it..it's like a vivid bad dream playing over again...What the hell Katie? When do you ever start accepting the fact that you are not living in a rainbow painted world with carousel rides and fluffy clouds and cotton candies scattered all over? When do you start believing that this world is far from being perfect...that people can hurt you anytime, anywhere and at any cost? You just would  never learn won't you? :(( So to you ...and to some of you...I'm sorry that I cared too much...I should have read between the lines early on.

Today

1.) I will let go of all unnecessary baggage and keep those that are worth keeping
2.) I will value my worth as a person by stop caring for those who doesn't care or those who choose to care only when they need me, and to trust only those who are worthy of my trust.
3.) I will reformat my memory, save only the best and delete all the ugly part of it.
4.) I will never allow myself to do favors for others perusal and think that they see my worth when in fact I'm only being used and leaves me feeling shity afterwards.
5.) I will direct all my energy to what I have and stop looking for what I don't have.
6.) I will focus on what's important and ignore what's not.
7.) I will stop being too emotional and start being more logical
8.) I will pray for more wisdom before I decide on something and not just jump into a pit of fire and get burnt afterwards.
9.) I will add more optimism and lessen the pessimism to maintain equilibrium.
10.) I will let go of an opportunity that knocked twice to be with the one that means the world to me and start thinking how we can realize our dreams together. 
***SO HELP ME GOD...

Ok, I know I shouldn't be partying since my aunt passed away recently...but for the love of Lela and my favorite boys whom I haven't seen for a very long time.. off I went to Timog last night to have a few rounds of beer with the guys. It was hard...damn it really is...really hard to control oneself  when the heart is screaming for more!you know what I'm saying? so yeah...ended up with 3 bottles of san mig light, made pulutan an ulam for the evening, a pack of marlboro, and tons of catching up to do...SOLB NA ANG GABI! BTW...DUSTIN BIEBER is gay!hahaha It's not Stephanie man...It's Stephano with an "O......" you could have just mistaken the girl as the one asking for your digits when it was actually the fagget beside her.

Eulogy

“God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be. So He put His arms around you and whispered “come to me.” With tearful eyes we watched you, and saw you pass away. Although we loved you dearly, we could not make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hardworking hands at rest. God broke our hearts to prove to us, He only takes the best.”


Our very last conversation: Saturday Feb 12,2011..Taytay new market....


Tita Rosie: Ay Katrina, ano ga yang pasan pasan mong sako na iyan?
Kate: E naglinis ho si mommy ng cabinet ni ate, sobrang daming damit hindi na magkasya kaya eto at isinako na nya yung iba para maibahagi sa Mindoro.
Tita Rosie: Amina at ipapamahagi ko sa mga pinsanan at mga mangyan doon. Ay katrina, anong payat mo na! Mahihili si nanay mo niyan..ay sabihin mo sa kanya: oy mommy, tingnan mo ako, payat na ako.
Kate: hay naku tiya, e baka lumagok ng isang boteng gamot pampapayat iyon, mahirap na!
Tita Rosie: hahahaha oo nga noh...hahahahhahahahahahha

Rosita Rabano Contreras...a loving wife and mother..a giving aunt..an understanding daughter..caring grandmother...passed away yesterday as of 3:30pm.  I've known her as the jolliest person in my universe...I've never seen her sad or angry or frustrated. Every time I visit her in their banana stall (by the way, she's a biyahera of whatever produce we have in Mindoro, e.g banana, coconut, mango..yadda yadda yadda), she never fail to flash the most genuine smile. I could hang around their banana stall , talking and catching up with her for hours and hours without noticing the time. Ask anything and she'll provide it to the best of her ability. She gives whatever we need and she gives more than what we expect. She never ask for anything in return..I remember last Christmas when she said "Katrina, akin na lang yung mga tuta ni Lyka o ni Brownie...aalagaan ko sila, kahit wala ka ng pamasko sa akin, yung mga tuta na lang..lahat sila dalhin mo sa kin..mamahalin ko sila" I can't help but shed a tear every time I remember her saying these words. She loved the unlovable and took extra care of it. I even remember her saying: "Ano ga naman yung tutang itim na ibinigay mo neng, ay sa ayaw kumaen! Gulping bilhan ko pa ng kornbip para lang kumain..naninibago wari" She fed the dog cornbeef while she eats tuyo. Last Wednesday night,tito Junior and I were reminiscing all of the good times we had with tita Rosie when he said this: "alam mo neng, nung linggo ng umaga umuwi iyan na may dala dalang sako, tinanong ko kung ano gang laman ng sakong iyon at binaktot pa niya pauwi sa atin, sabi niya...Iya'y wag mo gagalawin,...pinasan ni Katrina yan pa palengke, pamigay sa mga pinsanan at mangyan...naawa ako kay Katrina, sa bigat niyan! Akalain mo'y dala dala nya yan mula parking hanggang sa pwesto na walang kahiya hiya..hay naku, wag mong gagalawin iyan!" Needless to say, I found myself weeping and choking of my own sobs.

Tita went home last Sunday from Manila doing the usual thing she does every weekend. Except this time, she had an episode of stroke where 66cc of blood clotted in the left hemisphere of her brain while leaving her body in a coma state. Since technology and advancement in science are scarce in that area,  her body needs to be transported to Manila for surgery.  As some may have known,  my immediate family of 4 are all medically inclined. Dad is a medical technician, mom is a midwife, ate is a nurse, and I am a pharmacist. By saying that, it is our responsibility to assist family members who are ill and need to be brought to the hospital. By the time the news broke, Mom and Dad were on their way to Zamboanga to visit lolo and other relatives in dad's side. Meanwhile, ate cannot skip work, so I as the only one available and has all the luxury time in the world to spend, had to be there and be the mediator between the doctors and the relatives. I had to be there to explain and help them understand what has been happening all along. I had to be there to help my cousins and uncle make a decision as to what shall be done. I had to be there to have them share the burden with me..to console them when I myself needs to be consoled...I had to remain strong. I was there all along, seeing what seems to be and an indescribable pain and unfathomable sorrow looking through the eyes of her husband, daughters, siblings and friends who brought her in. I was there to witness and experience the fear that in any minute, the Lord might take her away from us. And it was hard...it was hard to be their eyes, their ears, their mouth and their shoulders when I myself has been struggling to remain calm and collected amidst the situation. For the love of tita Rosie and all that she is and was to me...I had to be there and I will never ever regret a single thing.

Death is so sudden...it's like a thief in the night that would rob us out of our happiness and sanity and leave us with nothing but indefinable grief and pain. And as it unfolds before our eyes, we can't do anything but to accept and take in all the pain and sorrow and pray that eventually, we could get past this stage. Grief is a cycle and you can never get past one stage without experiencing the rest. According to Kubler Ross, there are 5 stages of grief ...first would be denial...second, anger...third, bargaining...fourth, depression...fifth, acceptance.  And where are we right now? I guess we are in the acceptance phase of the cycle. As much as we would want to jump in and revive her through aggressive measures...we chose not to. We let death creep in and take its place as we watch her almost lifeless form deteriorate like rotten fruit...DNR...last order in the list..and boom! She's gone. We wanted to fight for her life but who are we to prolong the agony that she is experiencing as she struggle in her death bed? Who are we to deprive her of the comfort that she would get once she sits beside the throne of our loving Father?  Who are we to question the mind of the Lord when we know that His mind is wiser than anything and anyone else and His purpose is far beyond our knowledge can grasp? So as painful as it may seem and as hard as we perceive it to be, we cannot do anything but to let go and accept the fact that she's gone..that she's never coming back. Her smiles we can see no more...her laughs we can hear no more...her hugs we can feel no more but her love that she unselfishly divided to each family member will always reign and will always radiate in places where we see her...in our hearts. Today,  I pray that we find comfort in the idea that she is in a better place right now where she will never feel pain, or hunger, or thirst, or sorrow....May your soul rest in peace Tita Rosie...you will always be remembered and every bits and pieces of memory you have imparted in us will remain in our hearts forever. I bid farewell for now, but I know in my heart, that we'll see each other again...We love you.

Whatever peanut butter

I hate being vulnerable.....I hate being weak 
My heart breaks every minute, and it's makin' me damn sick
In the corner of own world, I sigh and wonder why
And in my bed I lie, as I  let the tears fall from my eye


Elation, joy, sorrow, anger, pain, and grief
Don't you think that's too much emotions for me to handle in a week?
I wish I'm just like superman, that only in kryptonite I fall
unfortunately I am not..I am just human..H U M A N like y'all


Someone once told me to "enjoy the summer heat"
For with every situation, there are odds I gotta beat
Tell me with all thine heart, how the hell do I remain positive?
ok, that's my dilemma to face...but I tell you, its hard to be assertive


Seriously, it is one hell of an effort to make this heart laugh
But these eyes are the window of my soul..these eyes, they don't bluff
Hell yeah you'll see me smile, but truth is they're nothing but lies
Coz deep within me I am breaking...I'm just the damn master of disguise....


----by: Katie

On family feud

usapang mag ama...

Kate: Dad, how did you keep up with mom's behavior? She's crazy and I know you know that...
Dad: Simple lang, mahal ko sya...nagkakilala na kaming ganyan sya at hanggang sa tumanda kami hindi  magbabago yun...mamahalin ko pa din sya...kaya anak  Pakiusap ko lang sa inyo, lawakan nyo pa pang unawa ninyo, palawakin din ang pagmamahal sa puso ninyo, wag nyong hayaang matalo kayo ng galit at wag kayo mag dwell sa past...move on...at pinaka importante, magdasal ng mataimtim..Kahit anong mangyari, nanay nyo yan...ganyan sya kasi mahal na mahal nya kayo.

***Nakakapanibago...lumaki ako ng malaki ang takot sa tatay ko..kasi lagi nyang sambit sa kin nung kabataan ko "ano matigas na mga buto mo, kaya mo ng lumaban?" lagi nya ako hinahamon sa bawat kalokohan na ginawa ko "ano, may sanga na sungay mo? babaliin ko yan, tumino ka lang"...Sa bawat hagupit at salita..wala akong nagagawa kundi tumiklop ang tuhod at itago ang sungay. Literal ang fear ko sa kanya...Hindi naman sa battered kid ako, over disciplined lang siguro to the point na gusto ko kumawala. Hmmmm...naaalala ko pa nung muntikan ko na masunog ang bahay namin sa kagustuhan kong maging mala Julie de Vega sa olympics na nag light ng torch..ayun sinindihan ko ang bagong gawang christmas tree ng tatay ko (uso pa noon ang home made christmas tree)...latay ang inabot ko sa mura kong edad. Pero ang bawat latay e nagsilbing paalala na mahal nya ako at ito ang nagpatibay sa duwag kong puso. Oo, malakas ang loob ko mag gago noon pero duwag ako, siguro mas appropriate sa kin ang carefree at careless. Pero ngayon, Napa elibs ako ng tatay ko sa lawak ng pang unawa nya..at ngayon ko lang napatunayan ang lalim ng intelektwal nya. Sana namana ko yun, sana sa pagtanda ko maging katulad ako ng idolo ko. Sa kabila ng pinakita kong ugali kanina, natamo ko lang e mahigpit na yakap mula sa tatay ko at isang mahinang bulong sa tenga na "Anak, naiintindihan ko ang galit mo.."

****Kasing lupet ng hagupit ni Ondoy ang sitwasyon ngayon...hindi ko ma define ang pain at regret. Pain mula sa salitang hindi na kaya bawiin kahit ilang libong salapi pa ang ihampas sa mukha ko, at regret na naging malakas ako...at malakas na ang loob ko makapanakit ng taong mahal ko. Natatakot ako sa panibagong lakas na nadiskubre ko sa pag-aaral ng muay thai...hindi ko pa alam kung pano ko gagamitin ang lakas na to lalo na pag galit ako. Either nakakasakit ako or nasasaktan ko sarili ko. Pero isa lang ang alam ko..ang strength na ito ang makakapagpatibay ng loob ko at makakatulong sa kin upang malagpasan ang hamon na ito. Natatakot lang ako sa markang maiiwan ko sa utak ng mommy...struggling kaming lahat ngayon..Natatakot kami para sa mommy ko..nurse ang ate ko at pharmacist naman ako, base sa assesment namin e nawawala na sa sarili nanay namin. Unang una, there is what they call post menopausal psychosis which we believe is what she has right now..pangalawa naluto utak ng nanay ko sa sibutramine at amphetamine pa ata sa sobrang die hard nya magpapayat, lahat na ng diet pills nilagok nya, pangatlo,  di ko din naman masisi, tarantado talaga ako dati. Ang OA ko nga ngayon e, trying hard to the nth level na maging matino, pero kahit anong pagmamalinis ang gawin ko hindi na ata mawawala sa isip nya na minsan akong naging black sheep. Pero anu't ano pa man, hindi matatapos sa araw na to ang pagpapatunay kong mahal ko sya at hindi ko sya iiwan magkamatayan man...I'll go to hell and back for mommy. Kaya tama si dad, kelanganang palawakin pa lalo ang pagmamahal sa puso para lubusang maintindihan ang sitwasyon...Im not quitting...sabi nga nila "rest if you must, but don't quit"  Bagkos ay manghihingi pa ako ng isang katerbang pasensya sa May Kapal....for now, I wallow in pain..yun ang alam ko.

A change of heart

Usapang MMA

Mario: Sinong fighter ba ang ni aachieve mo na maging kasing lupet mo Kate?

Kate: Si Gina Carano

Mario: Bakit?

Kate: Kasi 1.) maganda standing nya 2.) sya lang naman kilala kong babaeng fighter 3.) mukha syang barbie, ang pretty pretty nya.

Mario: mukhang barbie...amp! kilala mo si cyborg?

Kate: tao ba yun?

Mario: Oo

Kate: babae?

Mario: Oo din...

Kate: ahhhhhhhh,,hindi tol, sino ba yun?

Mario: sya lang naman bumugbog sa barbie mong si Gina Carano

Kate: Ows? Weh?Di nga? labo yun tol, malupet si Carano e!

Mario: Gags, oo nga! O eto panoorin mo!

Wow! yoko na sayo Gina Carano..haha

When photos come to life

Fred: ate kate!

Kate: yo!

Fred: pwedeng magyabang?

Kate: cge lang! ano ba yun? game

Then he sent me this:

He stitched 600+ photos just to create a 31 sec video.,..how adik could that get??! But yeah, it's legendary dude...Sana someday I could create something like this din! BTW, Fred is my kababata and kapitbahay way back in Riyadh.

Iridescent: Brightness amidst chaos

I've been having Last Song Syndromes lately. My most recent ones would be that of Linkin Park's "Waiting for the End". I usually have a bad memory when it comes to song lyrics, I only get to know them by heart if I need or have to, other than that, I mumble some random mambo-jumbo lyrics just to sound like it.  So I looked for the lyrics of the song over google and while reading through it, my eye shifted towards the left pane of the screen and a certain song title from their album " A Thousand Suns" caught my attention.

WORD FOR THE DAY: Iridescent.

I looked for it's meaning and this is what I got:

Iridescent [ˌɪrɪˈdɛsənt]
adj.

1. Producing a display of lustrous, rainbowlike colors: an iridescent oil slick; iridescent plumage.

2. Brilliant, lustrous, or colorful in effect or appearance: "The prelude was as iridescent as a prism in a morning room" (Carson McCullers).

also

iridescent - varying in color when seen in different lights or from different angles; "changeable taffeta"; "chatoyant (or shot) silk"; "a dragonfly hovered, vibrating and iridescent"

So sharing with you right now is the lyrics from the song "Iridescent" by Linkin Park:


 When you were standing in the wake of devastation


When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown

With the cataclysm raining down

Your insides crying, "Save me now"

You were there, impossibly alone.



Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?

You build up hope, but failures all you've known.

Remember all the sadness and frustration

And let it go.

Let it go.



And in a burst of light that blinded every angel

As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars

You felt the gravity of tempered grace

Falling into empty space

With no one there to catch you in their arms.



Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?

You build up hope, but failures all you've known.

Remember all the sadness and frustration

And let it go.

Let it go.



(Instrumental Break)



Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?

You build up hope, but failures all you've known.

Remember all the sadness and frustration

And let it go.

Let it go.



Let it go.

Let it go.

Let it go.

Let it go.



Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?

You build up hope, but failures all you've known.

Remember all the sadness and frustration

And let it go.

Let it go.

 
***My take on the lyrics?

Beautiful...but it's a little redundant since the words were repeated over and over, but maybe this is their way of letting the words and its meaning burrow inside our brain to keep us reminded that  no matter how deep the shit we're in... in whatever sadness or frustration we're experiencing...when we are at the point of breaking down and losing our sanity due to some chaotic situation ..there's no better way but to learn to move on and let go. It might not be easy, it may also not be that hard because there's always a bright side in everything . Things vary in color when seen in different lights or from different angles. Therefore, misfortunes can turn to great fortunes only if we change our position and look at them at a different point of view... Iridescent. :D

Breathe in. Breathe out.Repeat if necessary

This 2011, my goal is to stay positive..I have promised in the past that I'll try hard to post good stuff. Forgive me, but this time I can't..I don't mean to go back to my old cranky, nega, emo, self centered self...just give me this time to breathe in and out in my personal (well not totally) space...

It's been 2 weeks since my parents got back from abroad...and it's been 2 weeks that I haven't had the quality time with him. He was there on my birthday but I failed to give him my undivided attention since I have to host my own soiree. It kills me not to give him the time he needs...Over the years, I have proven that without time, we drift apart..he drifts apart from me. And I'm afraid that history would repeat itself...right now, Im having this same feeling I had 7,6 and 3 years back...Yes we've been together for 9 years but it wasn't as smooth as some may think it is. We had our share of mishaps...He had his major share of mistakes but I don't intend to get there right now..at least not in the time being. He's been on the rocks lately and it scares the hell out of me...So earlier today, I hoarded  all the courage to ask him why he's been acting that way lately. And you  know what he said? he said this:

Cold? ako ang cold, e ikaw nagtetext lang pag naaalala mo e...masyado kang busy sa mga ginagawa mo!
My heart melted at an instant...actually right now, my fingers are moving at a pace that my heart can't keep up with...my mind is empty of the things that I have to say..that I want to say... but my heart has been filled with nothing but pain..I wish....I'm numb right now... I wish these pain receptors are de-activated so I wont perceive as much pain as I am getting right now. Is it really my fault? Am I too enthralled with the things I've been doing lately that's why I failed to put up to his expectations? I hate arguments...I've gotten past that stage already...I hate the feeling of being defenseless too but at the same time, Im tired of being over defensive. So here's what I said:

 It's my fault babe and Im sorry..I promise to text you all the time moving forward.. I love you..

But do you honestly think that I said the right thing? That I took all the blame? Or should it be something like this:

Does it always have to start with me? Are you kidding me? 9 years and you're still asking for my time when all I have given you is more than time itself?I've given you all of me yet you are depriving me of that teeny weeny space that I'd like to have for myself. Really? my fault? you're saying that I choose to text you only if I remember to do so? What about you choosing to remember to text me too? That ain't fair..you're not being fair..You are hurting me right now....but beyond all your imperfections...I chose to be with you...and I will choose over and over again to be with you, you know why? because I love you more than life itself.... :'(

En.Bi.Ay

Wala sana ako balak mag update ng buhay ko, kaso syet na malagkit...nakakaburat lang talaga ang experience ko ngayong araw na to. I may get different reactions and POVs..some of you might or might not agree, but I completely understand, anyway we're all entitled to our own opinion. Just.....let me vent this out in my breathing space will you...woohsaa! Ok, ilan na ba sa tin ang nadismaya sa serbisyo ng isang ahensya ng gobyerno? Raise your hands people! I'm raising mine...both of them actually! O sya, ako na ang reklamador, ako na ang maarte, ako na ang maikli ang pasensya, ako na ang prinsesa ng tantrums..but come to think of it, nagbabayad tayo ng tamang buwis yet eto ang kapalit ng bawat sentimong kinakaltas nila sa sahod natin? That ain't fair because I strongly believe that they can deliver good services if they want to! I've proven that to some agencies like DFA, LTO and SSS to name a few. Kaya nga minsan, just to save my ass from all the hassle, I initially check online if what I need is available for delivery, kesehodang magbayad ng doble.

Dati rati, NBI ang pinakapaboritong government agency ko kasi swabe ang serbisyo nila nung nasa Carriedo pa. Organized and timely lahat, Pero ngayong nasa monumento na sila, men sakit sa bangs..parang palengke lang therefore isa na sya sa lugar na nais kong burahin sa mapa ng Pilipinas, or pwede din namang nagkataon lang na ang iniisip ko ay iniisip din nila at iniisip ng lahat...na walang tao sa patay na araw gaya ng Tues, Wed, Thurs.Oh well, bakit nga ba tayo kumukuha ng NBI clearance...ano nga bang silbi nito? Ayon sa aking pananaliksik sa google, ang NBI clearance ay isang importanteng dokumento na magpapatunay na wala kang kahit anong criminal record at hindi ka magiging threat sa kung ano mang papasukan mong trabaho o bansa. Isa syang requirement bago matanggap sa trabaho o bago makakuha ng visa para makapangibang bansa. So bakit ko kelangan ng NBI? POEA registration purposes...kaya sa mga nagbabalak magpa rehistro sa POEA, ngayon pa lang lakarin nyo na ang NBI ninyo. Oo hindi ako tanga, alam kong may iba't ibang branches ang NBI sa buong ka Maynilaan, ngunit, subalit, datapwat pinili kong kumuha sa main sa pag aakalang mas mapapadali ang proseso, but I was proven wrong..para tuloy akong tinampuyong ng kanta ng brownman revival sa ulo...MALING AKALA.

Let's review some steps in getting an NBI clearance/renewing an NBI clearance shall we?

1.) Kelangan mo mag secure ng form kapag mag aapply ka ng bagong NBI clearance (syempre naman!) pero pag renewal lang pwede ka na dumeretso sa loob at pumila rekta sa payments. Kaso may catch, may signage dun na nakalagay "pumila dito: renewal/new application" so mapapa isip ka talaga na iisa lang ang pila pero WRONG...sa iyong kaliwa ang pila ng new applic, sa bandang kanan ang pila ng renewal...napansin ko lang na madaming bumalik sa square one kanina kasi misonformed ang mga tao sa basic information gaya nito. Sa pagkuha pa lang ng form e aabutin ka na ng siyam siyam sa paghihintay sa pila, kaya i-ready ang sarili sa possibleng pagkabagot...payo ko lang, ipa-save ang spot sa tao s likod mo sabay tumambay muna sa isang kiosk e.g. Egg mess station..at kumain ng tokneneng at penoy na binabad sa mantika. Onga pala, may mga nagooffer din ng cedulla sa labas ng mall pero babala: wag mawindang dahil hindi na kelangan ng cedulla, 2 valid I.Ds lang and your good to go.
2.) Syempre kelangan mo i-fill out ang form di ba...pagpasok mo sa bandang kanan, may humongous tarpoline dun na guide mo para hindi ka masermonan ng ale/mama sa data check...sundin mo by the book..pero gamitin ang kunsinte kumon..hindi lahat ng makikita sa tarp ay dapat kopyahin.
3.) Data check: dito iveverify kung tama ba ang mga detalye na pinagsususulat mo sa application form o sadyang nangttrip ka lang..BTW medyo magaan at mabilis ng super slight ang pila dito...siguro sakto na ang mga 10 min mo.
4.) Payments: eto ang side trip sa impyerno...brutally gruesome ang pila..tipong abot timbuktu sa haba, dami pa buraot na pa-simpleng sumisingit, kaya kung mainitin ang ulo mo e makakapatay ka ng tao. Ang pila dito ay lumiliko, nagsasanga, nanganganak, bumubunga....papasok pa lang yon. Pagpasok mo e madaming bintana kung saan pwede magbayad ngunit konti ang empleyadong naka abang sa bawat bintana kaya tip: magbaon ng eksaktong pera at gamitin ang automated machine upang makapagbayad ng mabilis at maka proceed sa susunod na step which is:
5.) Quick search: dito malalaman kung may ka-hit ka na pangalan...kung Juan Dela Cruz ang buong pangalan mo e don't fret...mapapatagal ka lang sa releasing..mga sakto na ang one week na paghihintay, pero pag in dire need of NBI clearance at ikaw ay si Juan DelaCruz, sorry na lang boi pero there's no way in hell na makukuha mo sya same day. Dito din sa quick search dito malalaman kung ikaw o may kapangalan kang ex-convict, terorista, manggagancho, rapist, mamamatay tao o pugante...record check kung baga. Kaya pag dito pa lang e alam mong papalya ka na, save yourself from all the hassle at umuwi na bago ka pa ipahuli't ipakulong ng di-oras..remember ang motto nila ay Nobility, Bravery and Integrity kaya dude, no way out ka..mahuhuli ka balbon.
6.) Image capture: syempre pipiktyuran ka para may souvenir sa dokumento mo!haha But seriously, ng litrato na yun ang magsisilbing identification na ikaw mismo ang taong nakasaad sa NBI clearance, bawal proxy!
7.) Finger printing: parang bumoboto ka lang...isasawsaw sa ink yung mga daliri mo, ilalapat sa application form...in short, dudumihan nila ang bagong manicure mong mga kamay.But don't fret...may tig ttatlong pisong tissue at alcohol namn na available para hindi ka umuwing gusgusin.
8.) Registration: dito mo malalaman kung marerelease ang NBI clearance mo same day or maghihintay ka ng isang dekada bago ma release ang kapirasong papel na nagsasabing clear ka of criminal records. Naalala ko, nung una akong nag apply ng NBI clearance, may makulit na ale na tanong ng tanong kung bakit isang linggo pa marerelease ang clearance nya, si ate sa likod ng bintana e todo paliwanag naman kaso nakulitan na talaga..sa bwisit nya tinatakan nya ng 2 weeks ang release...kaya paalala lang..wag kang makulit, pag sinabing 3 days..e di 3 days..pag sinabing 1 week..wag ka na umangal!
9.) Release: yun na ang bunga ng iyong paghihirap at maaari ka ng mag chillax...plugging: sa 3rd floor ng mall e may nag ooffer ng tig 100 pesos na massage service, pwede ka sumide trip para ma relax bago bumyahe pauwi.

On a personal note:

*** Sabi ng katrabaho ko, 30 min lang daw inabot ang pag aapply nya ng NBI clearance...yung isang kaibigan ko naman e 1 hour daw...Pero bakit ako, sa pangalawang pagkakataon e umabot ng kalahating araw?! Sinunod ko naman ang lahat ng payo nila, nung una pumunta ako ng maaga sa patay na araw...wala din, inabot pa din ako ng siyam siyam...ngayon naman, medyo late lang ako ng slight na slight....ganun pa din. Talaga nga naman, pag kinan*** ng kamalasmalasan e mamalasin ka...wala naman ako balat sa pwet, pero bakit ako?Ako na nagiging matapat na mamamayan ng bayang ito...tssssss So yeah, I ended up getting a form and having it checked...the rest is history. Kelangan kong bumalik sa ibang araw para tapusin ang aking sinimulan. Kaya naman NBI...Please...please..please...be kind to me the next time around. :(

Katie the happy runner :)

I have never imagined myself being so hooked with running..not in my wildest dreams! Yes, I do a lot of sports, ask me to play any sport for you and I'll do it or at the very least, learn to play it. I love sports...I breath, eat, sleep sports...I go to the office, work my ass off to earn money just so I could play, that's how obsessed I am with sports...I was born to play. On the contrary, I never considered running as a sport, I once thought that it was the most boring and pathetic sport ever created since you never feel a single sense of satisfaction and you barely do any locomotion but just move your legs, and that's it. No extra skills or technique required..just MOVE YOUR LEGS...not until now. I've been running for like 5 months now  and fell deeply in love with it..I would literally have sex with running if I can!haha Well, for one thing running has been a staple workout for my body but I always discover something new and exciting with every run. Even if I tread the same trail over and over again, I never grew tired of running. Second, running has been my a fervent act of worship for me...for every step is a grace from God...every breath a silent prayer...every distance a blessing...my body is His temple..the pavement is my church (at least when I run). Third, like I've mentioned in my previous blog, running clears all the clutter in my head...it re organizes my thoughts so I could think clearly..sometimes, when my judgement is clouded with my emotions, I run. Running is my great solvent for pain, anxiety, stress, fear, over excitement, over happiness, frustration..blah blah blah. On a lighter note, I've been a follower of Runners magazine from their first edition up to date. I learn a lot from it...form, technique, right gear, diet, injuries..yadda yadda yadda. And I'm sharing some of the most epic advices I read from runners:
1.) trade your flipflops for running shoes (which I did)
2.) Run in numbers (which Im trying to accomplish)
3.) Sleep in your running clothes and shoes (ummmm...i don't know if I can do that)
4.) Hydrate...especially every after 3Km
 and my most favorite which I did recently...
5.) Always bring some running stuff with you coz you'll never know when the next  run would take place.

My folks and I went to Tagaytay yesterday which made me skip my long run and so advice number 5 rang a bell..and there, I was able to do my routine in the middle of our road trip. One word...EPIC!!!! ok make it 2 words...ABSOFUCKINLUTELY EPIC! ok last, I'll make it 4...INSANELY AND ABSOFUCKINLUTELY EPIC! I ran the mountain of Tagaytay, from crosswind subdv up to people's park in the sky. The air is thinner of course so it made running a breeze but adding the total resistance of the pull of gravity (since i was running inclined) plus the slap of cold air in the face made my my run notched 10 levels or so. Here are some pics of my Tagaytay run...

run....shoot..run

behind me is the beautiful city of tagaytay

tagaytay run

mountains of tagaytay

Dad took a photo of the road the I treaded from people's park

part of the road

tagaytay road curving...

same road

at eto pa

 I hope I inspired some of you to start running as I did...Promise it's all worth it! These are my collection of runners mag...you'll surely learn a lot from it...Super stoked to see the next issue. 
HAPPY RUNNING!!!!

THE ENTHUSIAST IN ME :)

Trained to kick your ass: The training vids edition

As promised, I am posting the training vids. Sorry if it took me a century to upload them. Apparently, I can't resize the vids so it's eating up my time and patience.

We usually start our training with warm up exercises, we do a circuit of 15 min skipping rope together with push ups, crunches, and leg exercises in between. After which,  we do shadow boxing to learn combinations as well as to practice the proper form, then each of us will take our turns on the thai pads and mits. Moving on,  we cool down by doing another set of crunches..say about 5 different crunch exercise to strengthen the core. Lastly, we stretch all our aching muscles to loosen them up, and if you wish, you can also ask the instructors to stretch, kick or punch some muscle points to strengthen them more. Here are some of our training vids..THIS IS HOW WE ROLL! ENJOY!

Ate Liza's pad training

Darvin's pad training

allain's pad training

Kate's kick training

Kate's pad training

ayayay! Hollyporn..este Haliporn (Halimaw-Porn)

My colleague showed  this to me earlier and it never failed to crack me up so I asked him to forward it to my email for blog's sake. So ano...Dota o sya? If you'll ask me...Pota, tinatanong pa ba yun...DOTA na lang men!

From a Thomasian's heart...

We built our dreams along the corridors of this building, and I miss this place...

* I miss hanging out with FRAT...Mocking people as if we're the perfect beings in the entire University. I miss how we sit by the window, fooling around as if no one's watching. I miss buying and eating Mr. Donut's "twest" (accdg to Viwi).. I miss eating with you guys at the co-op and smelling like it..I miss hanging
around Geronimo street with FRAT, katakers and talulot..

* I miss how we catch our breath running to our next class coming from the 4th floor...or how we run from main building to the botanical garden carrying our mouse/rat cages. I miss spending time with the books in the main library...sleeping there like its my own bedroom..I miss tearing out a page of a book in the Filipiniana section ( can't remember who I did that with) I miss sneaking in to the old books section of the main lib with Jan Dacumos ang Hunice Dipasupil, lights off cellphone lights on, looking for a book about kalamansi and scaring our asses off... I miss walking along the streets of Divisoria in our uniform carrying a sack full of kalamansi leaves like we're garbage collectors..I miss accessing friendster in the computer lab using a proxy...

* I  miss my V-ball varsity mates and our suicide training with coach at the gym near Fabella.. I miss walking along the hall, carrying my gym bag, all dressed up in my volleyball uniform while people are in class and I, along with my teammates were excused for the day because of a game. I miss hearing " Bring home the liempo Kate" from C-pharm and FRAT with every digs and spikes that I did. I miss the undying support of  Ms. David and Mrs. Sadang that even if we lose a game, they still treat us for lunch.

* I miss waiting in line at the Dean's office for my exam permit...

* I miss paskuhan and the humongous christmas tree sitting in the grandstand..

* I miss walking in my lab gown and goggles looking like a complete lab geek. I miss smelling like rotten egg, tarnished metal, vinegar, tutti frutti gum, banana, alcohol...I miss breaking most of our lab equipments and acting surprised at the end of each sem because we had to pay for those that weren't covered by the lab fee..I miss that cute chinito BS Chem student assistant (Kuya Tristan) at the 4th floor :)...I miss mixing substandard drugs, designing and creating medicine boxes and bottles, writing drug literatures, then getting an auto zero (sometimes negative score) because I screwed up somewhere in the process.. I miss crying out loud during the cervical dislocation exercise in pcol lab and fuck, I remember, I did that to a big ass rat instead of a cute mice! I miss those sleepless nights while doing the thesis with Shar, Zsa, Edz, Cel..all the caffeine and nicotine that I took in just to stay awake the night before the defense..how Ms. Lao went super oc-oc but certainly paid off after the defense...the "kamot ulo" moments everytime Shar utters a scientific word or explanation on the simplest things.
Ex: 1.) "ay....naooxidize na yung glasses ko (instead of "nangangalawang")...
    2.) I was opening a can of tuna using a knife since I can't find a can opener anywhere in the apartment and she said "You have to use a lever in opening that Kate" (instead of "can opener")...
    3.) "You just have to emulsify the mayo and the oil to make the salad dressing" ( instead of "haluin mo na lang")...
    4.) And my most favorite "Ms Sharlene Lao" moments..."I dont like to eat the fats in the liempo kasi masyadong malaki ang fat cells therefore na eentrap yung toxins that the pigs ingest sa fat cells nila so if you eat that your like eating the toxins that those pigs have ingested." (walang matinong translation sa statement na ito..nagsabaw lang ang utak namin!)
side note: Ms Sharlene Lao graduated Magna Cum Laude in our batch and Valedictorian in Med School...she placed 1st in our Pharmacy Board Examination. And yes, she's my groupmate in thesis...no wonder I passed thesis!

* I miss pharma week..the boring parades..the purple balloons...the awesome activities...the I-won't-be-meeting-you-class announcement of our prof during pharma week.

* I miss how we look outside the window during a heavy downpour of rain..praying that our prof would send us home early before UST turns into an Ocean. I miss how I shout from the gate of our dorm asking the security guard "Mmmmmaaaaaannnnnooooonnnnnggggg may pasok po ba?!!!".

* I miss pharmacology, phar chem, quali, pharmacog, juris and all other pharm subjects...I miss all my professors in pharm... I miss our lit english prof in 4th year :D whom we never fail to trip everyday..I miss Rizal because of our epic field trip and that damn "Mi Ultimo Adios" that we memorized, if you were able to memorize the entire poem in spanish, you'll be exempted for the finals..I miss singing "eres tu" with our Spanish prof, those friggin' spanish conjugations that I only study for the exam and if you'd ask me now, I know nothing about it..I miss "Mr. Tom Cruise", our psych prof and he's epic rapelling stories..I miss "father Damaso" in theology and how he punished us who didn't come in for class that day to write 5 pages of "I will not absent myself anymore" back to back in a yellow legal pad..I miss how we push an imaginary eject button that we drew on our arm rest everytime "Mr. Botulus" extends his class a few minutes past lunch..

* I miss all the laughter, sorrow, pain, and victory that we have shared for 4 years in pharm. I miss all the silly yet significant things and moments that we did...Dang I miss everything and anything about UST!

HAPPY 400th year Pontificia et Regalis Universitas Sancti Thomae ...Thank you for cradling me in your arms for 4 solid years..

VIVA SANTO TOMAS!

----C-B.S. Pharmacy 2002-003455

Second Wind

January 23,2011

Alarm clock: @ 4:00 a.m. tootooot tootoot...

Kate: *hits the snooze button*

alarm clock:: @ 4:15 a.m. tootoot tootoot

Kate: *double hit on the snooze button*

alarm clock: @ 4:30 a.m. tootoot tootoot

Kate: *slams the snooze button*

alarm clock: @ 4:45 a.m. TOOTOOT TOOTOOT!!!!

Kate: What the hell???!!! ang ingay mo naman, anong oras na ba kasi? *looks at the clock* ay potttttt....tatakbo pala ako ng 5am

So I dragged my lazy ass out of bed..ran to the bathroom..took a quick shower..and off I went to CME. Good thing Manong Alvin (Alvin pala pangalan nya, not Aldrin) and his son, kuya Toffer were patiently waiting for me...

Kate: Nong pasenya na po, na late ng gising

Mang Alvin: ok lang neng, kaaalis labng din nila..habol na lang tayo

Kate: e hindi pa ho ako nagsstretch

Kuya Toffer: hindi na kelangan, long run tayo ngayon

Kate: ganun po ba, e gaano ho ba kahaba ang long run na sinasabi ninyo

Mang Alvin: 25 KILOMETERS lang iha..

Kate:( put@#%^&^ yan...tama ba tong pinapasok ko?!) teka po, seryoso po kayo?

Mang Alvin: OO, maganda ang trail magugustuhan mo..3 bundok ang aakyatin natin

Kate: weh?

Kuya Toffer: oo nga, tara na!

***TAKBO TAKBO TAKBO...walang katapusang takbo*** 

I was with Taytay Roadrunners Association by the way, the 1st and only recognized running organization in Taytay...my new found friends were all marathoners, some even coveted significant places during runs..The oldest runner is a 65 y/o male..BEAT THAT! Yung isang runner tropapips pa ni Elma Muros. Bigatin men! at pota..eto ako nakikipagsabayan sa kanila... 

Unang bundok: 

Manong1: Ayos si beth (believe it or not, they call me Beth..they thought my name is Beth and I never corrected them all the way..so hanggang ngayon ako pa din si Beth para sa kanila) ang lakas ah...naglelead pa

Manong Alvin: syempre..tinetrain ko yan e..mag M-milo na yan next time..42K

Kate: (Itang ina, puputok na muscles ko sa hita..tigilan nyo pambobola nyo!) haha...pagod na ako nong, pero carry pa..bday run e..kelangan matapos

Pangalawang bundok:

Kate: nong, slow down na muna, magpapass out na ata ako

Mang alvin: ocge,,dahan dahanin muna natin ang takbo

Manong 2: 1st time mo?

Kate: sa ganitong akyatan..opo. sa ganito kahabang trail..OPO.

Manong Sonny: ah....hintayin mo yung pangatlong bundok..magugustuhan mo

Pangatlong bundok:

Kate: ANG TARIK!!!! kaya ko ba to nong?

Mang alvin: kaya mo yan...maliit lang ang hakbang. ang kamay mo ilagay mo sa baba..hips level lang. Ganyan kapag akyatan, lalo na ganitong klaseng bundok.

Kate: e nong, yung jeep na dumaan nga nahirapan umakyat e..pano pa ako..baka ma deads na ako nyan

Mang alvin: hindi yan!

AND I EFFIN' SURVIVED THE 3 FRIGGIN MOUNTAINS OF ANGONO RIZAL...pagdating sa flat land

Kate: uy...may lakas pa ko! astig

Manong Sonny: yan ang tinatawag na Second Wind

Kate: Second wind? (sounds jargon to me) ano po yun?

Manong Sonny: Ang second wind ay ang panibagong lakas na maibubuhos mo pa sa last few legs ng run...yung akala mo susuko ka na pero pag malapit na e nakakapagsprint ka pa..madaming nanalo sa second wind..yan ang hindi ko prinactice dati, ngayon ko pa lang natututunan yan, kasi ang pace ko all the way iisa lang..nauubos na ako sa last few legs..magaling ka magtipid ng lakas at maswerte ka kasi lumalabas sayo ng natural ang second wind.

Kate: ahhhh para pong adrenaline rush? tipong pag nasunugan ka ng bahay mabubuhat mo yung ref ninyo..ganun ho ba?

Mang Sonny: oo parang ganun

Kate: Astig! 

Manong 3: Alvin, pasakayin mo na ng traysikel yan pagdating ng antipolo, baka hindi na nya kayanin pababa ng hilltop

Mang alvin: kaya pa nya yan!

Kate: kakayanin nong, BDAY RUN e!

Manong 3: cge..bahala kayo!

Second wind is a phenomenon in distance running, such as marathons or road running (as well as other sports), whereby an athlete who is too out of breath and tired to continue suddenly finds the strength to press on at top performance with less exertion. The feeling may be similar to that of a "runner's high", the most obvious difference being that the runner's high occurs after the race is over.Some scientists believe the second wind to be a result of the body finding the proper balance of oxygen to counteract the buildup of lactic acid in the muscles. Others claim second winds are due to endorphin production, while still others believe it to be purely psychological.
-----wikipedia

*AFTER 3567808978798799008008098222212 years....nakarating din ng CME*

Mang Alvin: Mga pare, andito na kami..natapos ni Beth ang long run!

Kate: *REJOICE! BEAT THAT!*

Yes..it was my bday yesterday...and Yes..I ran my 1st 25K without any regrets...napagod ba ako? oo...abot ulo ang pagod ko. nasaktan ba ako? oo, pumuputok na mga muscles ko sa hita..tumigil ba ako? hindi..naglakad oo, kasi di na kaya itakbo pero pipilitin pa din..uulit pa ba ako? DEFINITELY...ISANG MALAKAS NA OO! See you TaRRA next Sunday! Bring it on

*My apology for lack of documentation...the friggin cam went dead the night before the run so it's futile to bring it with me,,pero mamatay man ako ngayon, pramis tumakbo ako ng 25K at pwera exaggeration, bundok sya na solid sa tarik..next week I'll bring the cam with me so I could post a photo of the mountain here*

Trained to kick your ass

I brought dad's cam with me today to test it's video feature and also to take some photos of todays training at mapatunayan na totoo ang smile recognition feature!  I'll be posting the vids soon..10 years kasi mag upload!

Side note: Syempre excited ako magbida sa magulang ko, pagdating ko ng bahay, kinabit ko agad sa TV namin ang cam para ibida kay mommy at daddy ang training vid ko.

Dad: bakit mo vinivideo ang training mo?
Kate: e kasi 1.) gusto ko ibida sa inyo ang training ko 2.) gusto ko mapag aralan yung galaw ko, makita kung anong mali ko..maayos ang form ko.
Dad: ahhhhhhh okie...maayos ba ang form kamo?
Kate: yes dad, at bakit?
Dad: e gusto mo din ba lumakas lalo?
Kate: oo naman, kaya nga nagttraining e
Dad: Cge, ttrain kita, pag uwi natin probinsya, magpapalinis ako ng sagingan, ituturo ko sayo yung mga puno ng saging na kelangan mo ipatumba ng sipa mo!game?
Kate: (kamot ulo)

I'm breaking my rules

It's his birthday, and so I thought of starting the day right with him. I ran around CME as I always do but I tagged Vincent along with me this time. It feels different having someone to run along with. I usually am a lone runner,and I enjoy it since it is the little time and space that I could think things through and get in touch with my inner being. Running clears all the clutter inside my head and I feel rejuvenated afterwards. Me, my ipod playing mostly fall out boy and green day, and my ever trusted running shoes could go miles and miles without noticing the time. Don't get me wrong, I have ran with other people as well, believe me, I enjoyed it too, it's just that being alone is a different story. Running is my diversion from this crazy world, it is the newly discovered passion that brought me peace. And now, I wanted to share that inner peace with Vincent. After work, I drove from market to pasig to pick him up. And as the lazy boy as he is, I found him curled up on his mattress...woke him up, greeted him with a happy birthday kiss and off we go running. Here are some of the pre- run and post run pics that I took today. I have no pics of our actual run since I can't bring my camera with me.

Grabbed a bite to eat at 7/11 and felt guilty afterwards

Vince's cheesy beef shit

There's my birthday boy

Oh what the hell is this?

Obviously, he's not a morning person

Birthdays aren't complete without food. We both love cooking, that is why we rarely eat out. So for his birthday, we did the same thing. Nothing biggie though, just carbonara, our version of the buffalo chicken with sour cream dip, salad, cheesy garlic potato and garlic French baguette. I swear tomorrow I'll sweat this all out! So there...SOLVE NA HIS BIRTHDAY..Happy 26th birthday my love..*BIG bear hug*

The birthday meal

cheesy garlic potato looks over done

buffalo chicken that doesn't look like it, but promise, it's tasty

salad

garlic French baguette that doesn't speak french at all :D

And thank you Lord for adding another year to his life...We owe it all to you. :))